A New Start
by torresxrobbinz
Summary: The story of how Callie and Arizona find their way back to each other in New York.
1. Chapter 1

**This chapter is quite long, but I'm honestly really excited about it. This will be a multi-chapter fanfic, so please don't forget to review and enjoy!**

Arizona Robbins maneuvered through the busy main terminal of Sea-Tac airport, weaning in-between each passerby, careful not to bump into any fellow travelers. Her right hand had a tight grip on her daughter's tiny fingers, even though Sofia had insisted that she didn't need for her mother to do so, as she was seven years old and a "big girl" now. Indeed she was, but Arizona wasn't taking any chances. She _hated_ airports.

The blonde let out a sigh of relief once she saw they were only a few feet from their gate. _29B to New York._ It had been a long and messy day, and Arizona was completely drained, and maybe just a little frustrated as well. Nothing today had gone to plan. Jo and Alex disappeared from their own wedding, the wedding planner nearly died from an allergic reaction to the shrimp, and April somehow ended up marrying Matthew at the venue instead. On top of that, Arizona had disappointed her daughter even more when she'd delayed their flight a few hours so she could go congratulate Alex on his ferryboat wedding she hadn't been able to be there for. His wedding to Jo was the only reason she had stayed in Seattle after April recovered from her accident, and she didn't even get to be there to see it.

Arizona was just tired. So, so tired, and much to her excitement, her phantom limb pain was flaring up as well. It wasn't out of the ordinary for the surgeon to have flare ups when she was preparing to fly, but it was still a pain in her ass. She'd flown many times in the six years since the accident, but Arizona couldn't help but completely dread it this time around since taking a few Xanax to knock herself out wasn't an option with her daughter around. The blonde could count on one hand the amount of times she'd flown while fully conscious. So, not many.

 _30 minutes until boarding time._ Arizona blew out a breath of hot air, her knee bobbing up and down feverishly. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to stifle a groan as another jolt of pain was sent through her non-existent limb. She was trying to keep her discomfort unnoticeable to her daughter, but her 7-year old was much more intuitive than most. And she had the same bedside manner as her Mami.

"Momma? You okay?" The sweet voice in the seat next to her questioned. Arizona couldn't help but smile down at her beautiful little girl, swiping a stray hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, I'm fine, big girl. Just a little nervous."

The declaration quieted the second grader. Sofia knew about the accident her Momma had been in when she was super little, and she also knew the same accident was the reason her father was no longer around. But Sofia was just now getting to the age where she could understand the affects that accident had, had on her family, so she decided not to ask her Mom about it anymore since it seemed to make her uncomfortable.

 _15 minutes until boarding time._ The blonde released a shaky breath. The coping method's she'd been taught during her few and brief therapy sessions were proving to be ineffective. Her anxiety only continued to increase regardless of the amount of deep breaths she took or happy places she tried to go to.

The iPhone in Arizona's purse dinged, the telltale sign that she had just gotten a text message. Apparently, Callie could sense her discomfort too.

 _'Hey, how you holding up?'_ Arizona felt her anxiety ease the slightest bit as she read over those words. She waited to reply as the three dots in the bottom left-hand corner of her phone screen indicated the brunette was typing another message.

 _'I know flying isn't the easiest for you and I know you're having to go cold turkey for this trip,'_ a grin pulled at the corners of Arizona's lips at her ex's poor attempt at a joke, _'So I just wanted to check in and make sure you were doing alright.'_

Even though Arizona couldn't hear Callie's voice, she could sense the nerves in her words, but she didn't want to let the conversation to get too deep, so she decided to reply with something lighthearted.

'I'm doing good. A little anxious but it's no big deal. Thanks for checking in :)' Arizona pressed the green send button and waited a moment before adding. 'Sofia's doing good too. A little worn out but super excited to see you.'

The blonde stole a glance at the little girl leaning against her arm. Her eyes were closed, sound asleep. Arizona looked back to her phone to find a message that made her heart flutter against her will.

 _'That's good. I'm really excited to see her too.'_

 _'And you.'_

The second, separate message forced Arizona to close her eyes. Callie shouldn't be making her feel this way. Her heart should still be beating at it's normal rhythm and her stomach shouldn't be swamped with butterflies.

 _"Our one job, really our only job, in life, is to stay open to possibilities."_

April's words from their conversation earlier today ran through her head. She was right. She needed to stay open to possibilities.

"I am too."

It was about time she was honest with herself about her feelings.

 _And, send._

* * *

 _"I noticed you smiling."_

 _Arizona was reading yet another text message from Callie, but looked up when she heard the voice of her newly married friend approaching her. "Huh?"_

 _"At your phone. You were smiling at it while the officiant was marrying us."_

 _The other woman felt her face go beat red at the accusation. She moved her open mouth to defend herself, but was unable to form any coherent words._

 _"I-um," the nervous blonde cleared her throat. "Is it really that obvious?"_

 _April released a chuckle. "Well, you pretty much told me as such a few hours ago."_

 _Arizona glanced upwards at the sky for a moment, her pursed lips breaking into a smile as she released a breathy laugh. That makes sense.  
"And.." the red-head drew out. "There's only one person who can make you smile like that, Arizona."_

 _Arizona's smile quickly dissipated, leaving behind pursed lips once again._

 _"Listen." April grabbed her friend by her wrists and pulled them both down into two of the white chairs set out across the garden. "I meant to say this earlier, but I was too wrapped up in my own world to say it."_

 _A line formed between the surgeon's brows, not quite sure where April was heading with this conversation._

 _"You were talking about how no one has hurt you the way Callie has, and I get that. But Arizona, no one has hurt Callie the way you have."_

 _Arizona's mouth opened, ready to defend herself at the first pause in April's speech. She felt like she was being accused of not knowing how badly she has hurt Calliope in the past or not considering her feelings, and that was just simply not true._

 _Sensing Arizona was about to jump in, April moved to continue. "And I know you know that. I watched you beat yourself up over the cheating, and a million other things for months. You don't need to defend yourself to me."_

 _Arizona winced. Hearing the word "cheating" associated with something she had done to Callie still made her feel sick. There was nothing in her life she regretted more than the events that took place the night of that storm._

 _"But I know you're still hurt over how you and Callie left things. And I know you're still angry. I just wanted to make sure that you don't forget Callie was hurt too, in the heat of the moment."_

 _That was true. Arizona had hurt Callie countless times. She'd hurt her when she left her in the middle of Sea-Tac for Africa, when she crashed their car, when she blamed her for the amputation, when she took out all of her anger and pain over it on her, when she cheated on her, and more. Arizona had hurt Callie a lot, and she knew that. As painful as it was to admit, she knew how badly she had hurt the woman she loved throughout their relationship._

 _And, even though Callie was the one who left her when she walked out on therapy and then, again, when she left to go to New York with Penny, she knew none of that had been easy for her. It took the blonde a long while before she had been able to understand that fact, but now she truly knows that it hadn't been easy for either of them. She and Callie had worked through their issues regarding everything that happened with the custody battle, and Arizona had forgiven her, for the most part, but that didn't mean it doesn't still hurt._

 _"So," April started again, trying to recapture the attention of her friend who'd drifted off into space. "Whenever you two decide to talk through things, and_ ** _really_** _talk through them, remember this conversation."_

 _Arizona could feel her eyes beginning to fill up with tears, so she adverted her gaze to focus on her hands that were resting in her lap. She was going to miss April so,_ ** _so_** _much. She was her person._

 _Blurry, tear-filled blue eyes found hazel's once again, and Arizona flashed her a grateful smile._

 _"I mean it, Arizona. You two need to actually talk through_ ** _every little thing_** _you two have been through since the crash. No more bouncing around it."_

 _Arizona's nodded, her smiling widening. "I know."_

 _Leaning forward, April pulled her friend in for a hug. An actual goodbye hug. Arizona had been forbidding it ever since she told her the news that she was leaving, but the woman in her arms was her best friend. The woman had postponed her flight the second she found out she had been hurt so she could be there for her._ _She'd never had a friend like her before. She'd never had a friend who actually cared about her as much as Arizona did. 'Well, not anyone who was just a friend anyway,' April thought to herself as she stole a glance at Jackson standing over by the wedding stage, making conversation with Matthew._

 _A few moments later, April broke the silence. "I'm gonna miss you."_

 _Arizona's lungs grabbed ahold of a handful of air, allowing the blonde time to get a grip on her composure. She_ ** _hated_** _goodbyes. "I'm gonna miss you too."_

 _A single tear rolled down both women's cheeks._

 _Arizona pulled away before she lost complete control over her motions. "Anyway," she made a move to stand up, grabbing her phone from the seat in front of her. "I should probably get going, grab Sofia. She's not too happy with me right now. I postponed our flight a few hours so I could go congratulate Alex's since I missed his wedding."_

 _An apologetic smile grabbed ahold of April's features. "I'm sorry. You can tell her this one's on me."_

 _The fetal surgeon shook her head. "No, you did an amazing job. Life just-," A breath of air escaped pink lips, her head tilted upwards to the sky, as black eyelashes blinked back oncoming tears. "got in the way, you know?"_

 _The former trauma surgeon acknowledged Arizona sadly. "I know."_

 _A moment of silence passed before Arizona added. "I'll text you as soon as I get there, okay?"_

 _With that, Arizona spun on her heels and made her way to fetch Sofia from her Uncle Jackson._

* * *

 _10 minutes until boarding time._

Arizona didn't want her conversation with Callie to end yet. Despite the fact that a part of her still felt that it couldn't possibly be good for her, talking to Callie made her feel a little less anxious. It always did. So the jittery blonde typed her next message without second thought: 'Jo kissed me today."

 _'What?'_ the reply was almost immediate.

Arizona grinned to herself, she could hear Callie's voice saying her famous catchphrase in her mind.

"She was excited because she got accepted to Mass Gen. Definitely took me by surprise though 😂," Arizona explained.

 _"Ah."_

Arizona's smile remained firm on her lips, finding the other woman's short replies quite amusing, and she couldn't help but wonder if the cause was a slight jealousy.

" _So Mass Gen, huh? I'm assuming that's for a fellowship. What specialty?"_

"General. Meredith kinda took her under her wing for this past year."

 _"Oh, right. I heard about that. Mini livers?"_

"Mhm."

 _"That's a shame. She would've been great in Ortho."_

"Yeah well, she didn't really have anyone good around to continue mentoring her." The message sent with a flick of her thumb.

A minute passed and there was still silence on Callie's end, and Arizona quickly realized what she'd said.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

" _It's okay."_

She was still there.

* * *

 _"Robbins," surprise radiated from the man's tone. "What are you still doing here? I thought your flight supposed to-"_

 _"Yeah, I delayed it. It now leaves-," Arizona pressed the home button of the phone in her hand, "well, it leaves in an hour." A scoff left pink lips, soon turning into a dry smile. She didn't plan this very well. "Can I speak to you for a moment? Outside."_

 _The brown haired man gave a wordless nod, stepping into the hallway, out of Jackson's penthouse, and shutting the door on the party behind him. "What's up?"_

 _"I missed your wedding," the words tumbled out of the blonde's mouth without context._

 _"Oh, hey. It's no big deal. It was just a stupid wedding," Karev brushed his former mentor off with a wave of his left hand, assuming she was concerned about how she actually_ ** _missed_** _his wedding._

 _Arizona shook her head. She was gonna have to explain more than she'd thought. "I'm leaving."_

 _The Pediatric surgeon stood clueless. "Yeah, I know," his tone went up at the end, turning his statement into more of a question. He stared at the silent fetal surgeon for a few moments, watching as she wrung the sleeves of her long beige coat, eyes focused on the hard concrete. Then it hit him. She was_ ** _leaving_** _. Alex took a step closer to the woman in front of him. "Look, Robbins," blue eyes looked up to his. "I'm gonna be fine. I'm not your asshole resident anymore. You don't have to worry about me."_

 _Arizona felt tears rush forward, coming to a halt right behind her eyes. "I know," her voice cracked and she tilted her head up and back ever so slightly, as if she could force the tears to just flow backwards. "I just-" the blonde paused to wet her lips. "I thought that seeing you get married to Jo would help make me feel less like I was leaving everything unfinished?" A humorless laugh escaped the vulnerable woman's throat. "I don't even know."_

 _Alex listened wordlessly, his face thoughtful, though most wouldn't be able to tell if they didn't know him as well as Arizona did._

 _"I am so proud of you, Alex, and I don't care how cheesy it sounds. I am going to miss you_ ** _so_** _much."_

 _The faintest hint of a smile appeared on the gruff man's face. Never having been good with words, Karev took a few steps forward and pulled his former mentor into a hug, taking Arizona by surprise. Alex Karev had never been much of a hugger. "I'm gonna miss you too, Robbins."_

 _Arizona felt herself relax and she wrapped her own arms around his shoulders and back. The hug lasted a few moments, as if they were reminiscing on the last ten years of memories they'd shared._

 _"And New York better prepare themselves. They have no idea what's coming for them." The younger man added once he pulled away._

 _Arizona shot him an appreciative smile. "Thanks, Alex."_

 _A sad silence fell over the two. Both of them hated goodbyes. And they sucked at them too._

 _"I should probably get back. Jo's gonna kill me if I make her stay here with everyone longer than she has too."_

 _"I'm really happy for you, Alex."_

 _Alex smiled. "I'm happy for you, too. Give Callie a hello kiss for me."_

 _Arizona's jaw dropped._

 _"Kepner let it slip."_

* * *

 _"Now boarding passengers on flight 132 to New York."_

The voice of the passenger service assistant startled Arizona from her thoughts. She froze for a second, the flood gates to her temporarily disabled anxiety opening and hitting her full force. _'I can do this,'_ Arizona reminded herself.

The blonde softly nudged her still sleeping daughter. "Come on, sweetie. We're boarding."

Small eyelashes fluttered, revealing a familiar pair of brown eyes. "New York?" The child rasped through parched lips.

Arizona mustered a tight lipped smile, the best she could with the stabbing pains in her non-existent limb and chest tightening nerves.

Sofia beamed, jumping to her feet. Arizona grabbed ahold of her daughter's right hand, with her left one, and led them up to the woman waiting to check their tickets.

"Boarding passes?"

"Uh, yep. Got them right here," Arizona let go of her daughter's hand to pull the two white tickets out from underneath her phone in her right hand. She handed them to the woman with a shaky smile.

The passenger service assistant scanned the tickets, the beep accompanied by a green light signaling them they were clear to board the aircraft.

Arizona's phone dinged as she and Sofia stepped foot onto the jetway bridge, a message appearing on her phone's lock screen. A wide smile spread across her face as she read the message.

 _'You got this. :)'_

* * *

Arizona shifted her weight onto her right leg, as she stood waiting for their luggage to start coming out of the baggage claim. Sofia was fascinated by the contraption, and Arizona had to scold her a few times to back away from it when she was getting too close. The little girl had now settled on the floor, sitting criss-cross applesauce a few feet from the now moving conveyor belt. Her eyes were focused on its opening, waiting for the luggage to start coming through. She'd told her Mom she'd alert her when she saw theirs.

The 6 hour flight from Seattle to New York hadn't gone as smoothly as Arizona had hoped. She was still in the process of regaining her composure and her skin returning to its normal color. The pain in her absent left limb had diminished to an uncomfortable, but still painful, ache, and her stump was beginning to feel the 18 plus hours she'd just spent with her prosthetic on.

 _Ding!_

Her left arm moved grab her phone out of the back pocket of her dark, blue jeans.

 _'I'm right outside of the baggage claim with the car.'_

'Still waiting for our luggage. Will be out soon.' Arizona typed out the response and shoved her phone back into her pocket, releasing a tired breath as she ran her hand through her loose blonde curls. She wasn't in the mood to talk. She just wanted to get this prosthetic off and go to sleep.

"Momma! Our bags," Sofia exclaimed. Arizona grinned at her daughter's excitement as she walked up to the baggage claim. She grabbed her large, blue suitcase off of the conveyor belt, swiftly setting it down and grabbing Sofia's green one before it could pass them by.

"Alright, big girl," Arizona placed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head. "Let's go."

"Be careful!" Arizona yelled after her daughter, whom had taken off through the automatic double doors the second she saw her Mama through them.

Arizona grabbed Sofia's suitcase as well as her own, and rolled them up to the double doors.

On the other side of the doors, Callie greeted her daughter with a huge, tight hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek, to which the younger brunette giggled and wiped off with a complaint of "Ew!". Callie had missed her little girl so damn much.

Once the giggled had died down, Callie glanced up and through the double doors. Brown eyes spotted a particular blonde struggling with two bags of luggage. She looked pale, a little shaky, and often shifted from one foot to another. Alarms immediately went off in her head and she had to consciously force them to quiet down. She didn't want to come off as too eager.

Arizona looked great though. She was clad in a blue flannel and jeans. A soft, crooked smile appeared on Callie's face, remembering a conversation she and Arizona had about a year and a half into their relationship, when she first moved into her apartment.

* * *

 _"Um, why have I never seen you in_ ** _any_** _of these flannels?" The brunette questioned her girlfriend with a nod of her head in the direction of the box of what had to be at_ ** _least_** _10 to 15 plaid, flannel shirts. "Okay, maybe i've seen you in a few but-"_

 _Arizona spun around to get a look at what Callie was asking her about. "Oh," the blonde shrugged. "I'm not a big fan of perpetuating stereotypes. I usually just wear them on days off or sometimes when I'm with you."_

 _A line formed between Callie's sharp eyebrows. 'Perpetuating stereotypes?'_

 _Noticing her girlfriend's confusion, which she always finds super adorable, Arizona added, "I don't want to seem too gay."_

 _At that, the Orthopedic surgeon burst out laughing, finding the statement completely absurd. Arizona was the definition of "too gay"._

 _Arizona scoffed, though still smiling. "Stop it, Calliope. I'm serious!" The Pediatric surgeon took the tank top she was holding and used it to playfully slap her hysterical girlfriend._

 _"Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I'll stop," Callie complied through her laughter. Arizona narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend with a glare. "I'll stop."_

 _"Good. Now help me with the rest of these boxes."_

* * *

"Oh, hey. I'll get those," Callie said, rushing toward the blonde who'd just gotten through the double doors.

"No, it's fi-," Arizona started to object.

"I've got them."

Those warm, brown eyes caught hers and she closed her mouth, intending not to protest again. Her exhausted body gave in to the welcomed relief of having less weight to carry.

"Thanks."

The brunette smiled in reply and took their luggage to the back of the car, loading them into her already opened trunk.

Arizona took a moment to study the other woman. She looked good. She was wearing the same old leather jacket she always had. She must've cut her hair some months ago though because it stopped roughly a little ways below her shoulders. Similar to how it was after they'd gotten married. She'd always loved that hairstyle. It had been her favorite actually. Underneath the jacket she wore a plain, navy blue t-shirt and dark blue jeans. She looked _really_ good.

"Arizona."

"Hm, what?" the distracted woman sputtered.

"Are you ready to go?" Callie questioned once more.

"I am!" Sofia interjected. She was radiating happiness and it made both women's hearts swell with love.

"Yep. Definitely," Arizona offered a tight lipped smile.

The drive to Callie's place was going smoothly. Sofia had fallen asleep in the backseat, leaving the two ex-wives to their own devices for the next hour.

Callie cast a glance at the blonde in the seat next to her. She looked tense, uneasy, and she picked almost profusely at her pant leg covering her thigh.

"Are you sure you don't want to crash at my place tonight? You can always get settled in to your new apartment tomorrow," Callie offered, her voice low and soft, careful not to wake their sleeping daughter.

Arizona shook her head, her eyes focused on the windshield in front of her. She didn't bother glancing back at the brunette. She could tell Callie was concerned, and it was bringing up all of these conflicting feelings Arizona didn't have enough energy to sort through and deal with right then. "No, I think it's best if I just start getting settled in now. Thanks, though."

Callie sighed in defeat. She knew their lighthearted text conversations were too good to be expected to transfer to when they saw each other in person, but she was still disappointed nonetheless.

"I should probably be alone tonight anyway."

Brown brows furrowed once again, but this time the brunette didn't bother looking away from the road. A few seconds passed before it hit her.

"Nightmares?" Her voice was gentle.

The blonde expelled a breath of frustration. "I really don't want to talk about it, Callie."

Callie nodded mutely. _'Fine.'_

The Orthopedic surgeon tried to stay quiet for the rest of the ride to her place, not wanting to ruin the civil mood they had going on, but after 20 minutes, when stopped at a red light, the brunette just shook her head. She was going to say it.

"We need to talk at some point, Arizona," the raspiness of Callie's voice sent shivers down the other woman's spine.

"I know," she muttered, blue eyes focused on her hands. "Just not tonight."

Callie nodded again. "Okay."

The light turned green and Callie pressed on the gas.

* * *

By the time they reached Callie's apartment building, it was nearly 5 a.m., and the sun was beginning to rise. Callie lived in a penthouse in a slightly, _slightly_ less busy part of the city, about 5 minutes from the hospital, Mount Sinai.

Arizona woke a sleeping Sofia and brought her inside, waiting in the lobby for Callie with their luggage and directions to her penthouse.

Fifteen minutes later, Sofia was sound asleep in her bed. Arizona and Callie lingering in the silence of Callie's huge living room.

The noise of Arizona clearing her throat just about echoed off of the walls. "I should probably get going."

Callie noticed Arizona's significant limp as she began making her way to the front door. Shaking her head at the insanely stubborn woman, the brunette vocalized her thoughts.

"Arizona, just stay here. Please?"

The blonde turned herself around slowly, not wanting to further agitate the area where her stump met her prosthetic.

"You've been up on your feet and wearing that prosthetic, for what? Almost 24 hours now? You need to get it off before it swells so much that you can't wear it for the next few days."

Arizona simply stared at her, her tired brain unable to think of anything to say to Callie's concerns and suggestions.

"And I have a spare bedroom on the other side, far away from both me and Sofia, incase that's what you're worried about."

Arizona's eyes fell to her feet.

"Just stay for tonight, okay? I know Sof would love it if you were here when she got up and we could all have breakfast together. And I know you know you need to get off your feet and get some rest, so why are you avoiding it?" Callie inquired.

Arizona shook her head roughly. "I just can't do this right now, okay?"

"Do what?" The brunette frowned, a line forming between her brows.

"This!" The blonde exclaimed, her hands gesturing to the space in-between her and Callie. "With you!"

"Okay, well, we're not doing anything right now so-,"

"But I know you want to," Arizona countered.

"Of course I want to, Arizona!" the brunette exclaimed, starting to get irritated with the woman standing in front of her. It was five in the morning and her patience was running thin. "But I already told you we don't have to do it tonight."

Arizona's eyes fell with her silence, tired blue eyes studied the white marble floors. The room was eerily quiet; quiet enough so that you could hear a pin drop. Her eyes closed and she inhaled deeply. There were things Arizona needed to get off her chest and she was going to do it now.

"You left me."

"Arizona-," Callie began. She knew the blonde was still hurt and she knew they needed to talk but not _now_.

"Twice."

 _'I know,'_ Callie thought.

"You walked out on me in therapy and then you left with another woman and our _daughter,_ Callie." Anger Arizona had been holding inside for years was beginning to boil over the pot. "And you didn't even think to ask me if I was okay with that?"

Callie was confused. They'd already discussed the whole custody battle situation. It had been resolved for over a year now. "You were fine with Penny. Great, in fact," the brunette treaded slowly. "If this is about what happened with Sofia, you already know-,"

"This is not about Sofia, Callie. We've already settled that."

"Then, what-"

"I was still in love with you!" The words flew out of Arizona's mouth before she could stop them. They hit her ex-wife smack in the face. But it was true. She was still in love with her. She _is_.

Callie was stunned. This was complete news to her. Never had she seen any signs from Arizona that screamed "I still love you!" in the months she had been with Penny in Seattle. She even showed up to her home with plane tickets for God's sakes!

"You told me to go."

"Because I wanted you to be happy, Callie! That's all I've ever wanted for you. And then you go and tell me I'm suffocating you and walk out, just to fall so in love with another woman a year later, that you wanted to uproot mine, yours, and Sofia's life to move across the country with her!" Arizona was yelling now. So many things she had never said rushing out of her mouth in white, hot anger.

"Oh, you wanted me to be happy? Really? Is that why you left me standing in the middle of the airport pleading with you not to leave me? Or why you blamed me and pretty much verbally abused me after I saved your life? Oh, and it _must_ have been why you cheated on me after all the love and support and patience I gave you following your amputation?" Callie fired back. Similar to Arizona, so many years worth of things left unsaid were now spewing from her mouth, unable to be held back any more.

"You didn't want to come with me! You were so unhappy about going to Africa, Callie, and you made that _painfully_ obvious."

The brunette shook her head furiously.

"And you know I wasn't myself after the crash, Callie. I was depressed. I was struggling with PTSD. I _still_ do sometimes, and you know that! And I thought _you_ had cut of my leg after _you_ had promised you wouldn't. Not Alex!" The words came out harshly. Hearing Arizona admit she had been depressed and struggling cutting into Callie's heart like a dagger. She'd known it, mentally, but she'd never heard her verbally admit it. And it hurt. "I thought you didn't love me, Callie. I thought I had no one, and I thought you were only still with me out of pity. You saw the Arizona you fell in love with and you wanted her back so badly you pushed me to get better, and I tried, Callie," Arizona inhaled so deeply, her lungs burned and tears stung at the corners of her eyes as she looked back on how she'd felt during that time. "I tried so fucking hard, but it didn't work," Arizona's voice cracked and it grabbed Callie's attention. "Because I was _never_ going to be that exact same person again, and you couldn't accept that."

"You came back from the woods, Arizona, but you never really _came back_. I had just lost Mark and I was scared! I was scared to lose you. I was just trying to help you get better. I didn't want to see you in any more pain." Tears burned Callie's eyes, as they bore into Arizona's, who adverted her gaze after a few seconds with a shake of her head.

"And then, we lost the baby. I lost yet another thing in less than a year. I lost Nick. I lost Mark. I lost my leg. And then i lost _our baby,_ Callie." A single tear broke free and rolled its way down from her eye to her chin. "And then… Lauren showed up. And she saw me. She saw me for who I was after the crash because she didn't know me before. And she was hot, and flirtatious, and persistent, and she liked _me_. and I lost control. And you never forgave me," Arizona took the chance and dared to look up. All she saw was tearful, pain filled brown eyes and she felt her heart constrict. She didn't want to hurt Callie anymore than she already had, but these things needed to be said. "Even after you asked me to come back home. I was hopeful, but I knew it. Deep down, you were looking for an out. And then my fellowship came up and you got one," Arizona paused, releasing a long breath. Her throat was beginning to feel slightly sore from all the strain being put on it. "And it's okay, Callie. We-we did need a break, as painful as it was for me for the longest time, I understand that now. We needed to grow, and find out who we were after going through all this trauma. So, it's okay, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt."

It was now Callie who adverted her gaze to the floor. Arizona had just poured her heart out to her more than she had every done before, and she was unsure of how to respond.

"I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, to us, on the night of that storm. And I am so deeply, deeply sorry for the way I treated you after the crash, and for every single time I've hurt you. But it is _not_ all on me, Callie."

Finished, the blonde used her hand to wipe away the tears now flowing freely and silently down her face. She turned on her heel, walking around the corner of the beige couch, and plopped her tired and sore body down onto it.

"I did forgive you," Callie replied after a few minutes of painful silence. "But not until I moved here."

The couch dipped as Callie sat her weight down next to Arizona. "Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

A dry laugh escaped her throat. "Guilt. And my stubbornness. I felt so horrible for how I treated you after the crash and I thought that telling you how I felt was just another unnecessary burden to put on you," Arizona confessed to her ex.

"How you feel, Arizona, is never a burden. Not to me."

A mute nod from the blonde was all Callie received in response.

"How did we not notice this?"

"What?"

"That we weren't communicating. We just kept trying to go on with our lives as if nothing ever happened," Arizona looked towards the woman sitting to her left. Her blue eyes searched brown, looking for some sort of answer. "We never actually talked through any of what we went through," The blonde shook her head at herself, blonde curls bouncing from side to side. "I guess that's where we went wrong, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess it is," the brunette agreed. They had failed majorly in the communication department following the plane crash. "I guess that's partly because I just didn't want to hear it."

"And my stubbornness," Arizona added.

Callie nodded, and then continued. "After the crash, I just wanted you back. And I thought that if I pushed, it would help you get better faster. I never wanted to make you feel like I didn't love _you,_ Arizona. Of course I loved you. With your left leg and without. I always loved you." _'I still do.'_

Callie gazed intently into those cerulean blue eyes, hoping she understood just how much she meant every word she was saying.

"I know," Arizona breathed. "I mean, it took me a long time to realize it, but i know now."

"And then after the cheating," Callie went on. There were still so many things Arizona needed to hear from her. "you were right. I was looking for an out. I just-I couldn't comprehend how you would do something like that to me and constantly trying to get past it while still trying to help you recover, it was suffocating me. And I don't think I realized it till.."

"'Till we took a break," Arizona finished and Callie nodded.

"and i could breath easier."

Arizona nodded. It hurt to hear Callie say those words. It felt like there was a huge lump in her throat and a weight on her chest, but she knew it was the truth.

"Can I ask you a question?" Arizona asked, looking into Callie's honest brown eyes.

"Of course."

Arizona paused for a moment, lips pursed as she thought about how she wanted to word this question. "Why-," the blonde wet her dry lips. "Why did you sleep with me the night before you walked out on therapy?"

Callie took a sharp intake of breath. She had been hoping she'd be able to avoid ever having to answer this because she wasn't sure Arizona would believe the truth.

"Truthfully?" Arizona nodded. "I didn't know I was going to do it until I sat down in that room with you."

Callie received another mute nod in response.

Arizona stared at her hands that were resting in her lap for a few moments, debating whether or not she should tell Callie about the cheating or if she should just keep it to herself as she had been for the last five years. No, Callie needed to know. She deserved to.

"The cheating was never about you, Callie," Arizona's eyes found Callie's again and she hoped she would believe her. "It was about me and my constant need for control. I'd lost so much. And, we'd only lost the baby just a few days before. I was-," She wasn't wording this right. "I felt empty. And when she showed up, and started flirting with me and- we ended up in that on call room alone. It was storming. I hugged her. Then there was thunder. Lightening. And then…I kissed her. I pulled away. Started for the door. My hand was on the handle…and I still remember what she said next. 'You are allowed to lose a little bit of control'. And I guess I just-I snapped. And then I wasn't thinking anymore. I was just..in control of _something_." As Arizona recalled the events of that fateful night, her gaze stayed glued to the coffee table in front of her as she feared what Callie's response would be.

"You still remember that so clearly?"

Not the response Arizona had been expecting, but it was better than "you disgust me".

"Of course I do," Arizona replied as if it was the most logical thing. "I went over it and over it for months on end, beating myself up over. Disgusted with myself because it wasn't me. That is not the person that I am."

For the first time since of the night of the storm, Callie saw how much the cheated had affected her ex-wife. For so long, she thought she'd been the only one suffering, and after a while she realized she was wrong, but tonight, she actually saw it with her own eyes.

"Why did you," the brunette licked her red lips. "Why did you never tell me this?"

Arizona scoffed. "It didn't excuse what I had done, Callie. I still cheated on you."

"But it wasn't about me. You never told me that it wasn't about me."

"Do you really think you would've seen it that way at the time?"

Callie hesitated. Arizona was right. "Probably not."

"Exactly."

Another moment of silence, though now less painful, passed before Arizona spoke again. "And Callie, you saved my life. And I am _so, so_ grateful. It took me a really, _really_ long time to get to the point where I could see that, but I have. You made the right call. I forgive you."

A huge, grateful grin took over Callie's face, eyes filling with happy tears. "Thank you. I really needed to hear that."

Arizona smiled, and squeezed Callie's right knee.

"And about our baby. Arizona," The two women just seemed to be spewing apologies at each other tonight, but they were needed apologies. "I am so, so sorry for how I went about the situation. I guess- I don't even know why, but I didn't think you'd be so affected by it," Callie shook her head at herself, feeling stupid and selfish. "And that's dumb and horrible to think because of course you'd be affected. It was your baby!"

" _Our_ baby," Arizona corrected. Callie whipped her head around and their eyes locked once again, and Callie swore she could physically feel her heart flutter in her chest. "But it's okay. It's in the past now. You were under a tremendous amount of pressure when it happened. I understand why you reacted the way you did."

"And I was _always_ so proud of you when it came to your career, Arizona," Callie Torres was on a roll tonight- wait, morning. "I know I didn't vocalize it enough, especially not during the whole Africa thing, and I'm sorry. I should have told you how insanely proud of you I was. And am. I mean, you're about to start your own clinic for fetal surgery with Dr. Herman. And that's amazing, Arizona. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did to your fellowship. I was just being selfish, and I am so sorry."

"Actually, Nicole and I have been discussing turning the clinic into a hospital instead. With a more fetal surgery focused aspect to it, but a teaching hospital none the less. But thank you, for telling me that. I really needed to hear it," Arizona nodded, smiling at the brunette.

"It's no problem."

One last thing. "And with Penny, Arizona, please hear me when I say I was stupid for how I acted while I was with her. Like so, completely, high on cocaine stupid," Arizona held back a laugh. "She was not better than you. In any way. I mean, she was a great woman and I did love her but she was just my do-over that I got carried away with. I thought that if I moved on, it would be easier for you to move on as well. And I didn't want to make the same mistakes that I did with you, but the whole relationship was doomed from the start," Callie admitted. "Because she wasn't you."

Arizona adverted from Callie's gaze. "None of them were you," the blonde stated sadly.

Another silence fell over the two women. It was awkward but newly comfortable. So much baggage was now out in the open, and no longer weighing on their chests.

"So, now what?" Callie broke the silence.

"Now…," Arizona drew out. "We're friends and maybe somewhere down the line, something more." She flashed Callie a cheeky smile.

The brunette cocked an eyebrow. "So, we're starting over?"

"Yep. Clean slate."

"I think I can do that," Callie smile.

"So," A wide smile took over the blonde's face, dimples popping. "Ortho, right?"


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter will probably be one of the worst I will write for this story and it's kind of short. I'm not even sure where I was going with this and I feel like it's all over the place. And I know, I know, it doesn't seem like they're communicating but _believe me,_ they will. Our girls just aren't that good at it. But they're learning! Anyway, enjoy make sure to please leave reviews. They're much appreciated!**

Arizona had been in the city for a few days now. Sofia adjusted pretty instantaneously. She was happier and more comfortable than she had been in Seattle with her. Arizona had to admit that it did sting a little, but she knew it wasn't anything against her abilities as a mother. Sofia had simply fallen in love with her life in New York, with her friends, with her new teachers, and it had been difficult for the seven year old to readjust to her old life in Seattle. That, and the fact that she didn't have both of her mothers with her.

For Arizona, on the other hand, adjusting to life in the Big Apple was a little bit more difficult. Seattle had been her home for over 10 years. All of her friends were there, and it was difficult to have to readjust and find new friends when she hadn't really wanted to. Of course, her and April still talked constantly, whether it was through text message, FaceTime, or phone calls. But she still missed seeing everyone everyday. Even Owen, which was surprising.

Arizona had also started texting Alex more too. Her communication with Teddy remained the same as it had been for the past few years. Apparently she was the new interim chief of surgery at Grey-Sloan, and also pregnant with Owen's baby. She'd only been gone three days, and already it felt like she had been gone a year.

She'd been talking to Amelia, too, mostly about Herman and her abilities when it came to the role she would play in the teaching hospital, but their friendship carried over as well. Her and Nicole had officially decided to turn the Robbins-Herman Center for Women's Health into the Robbins-Herman Hospital instead. They might end up changing the name, though. They hadn't decided on that quite yet.

"You excited?"

Arizona looked up from the stacks of paperwork piled on top of the desk she'd set up in one of the spare rooms of her apartment. It consisted of contracts, a business plan she had written out with the help of Nicole, a note pad filled with phone numbers she needed to call to get everything ready so they could begin the process of getting the hospital up and running.

"Yeah, I'm really excited to meet the kids," She flashed a nervous, but genuine, smile at the brunette. Callie stood a few feet behind the doorway, her hand bracing the woodwork.

Today was Arizona's first day at Mount Sinai hospital, where she would fall into the shoes of a Pediatric surgeon once again. Since getting the hospital with Herman up and running would take a while, she knew she'd need a part time job in the mean time. And since the area already had three fetal surgeons, she decided to fill in as a temporary replacement for their head of Pediatrics while he was on leave for treatment of prostate cancer.

It would be a lie if she said she wasn't excited. Arizona loved her being a Pediatric surgeon, and she loved the feeling of helping kids. She could honestly admit she'd missed it a little bit. Noah, the son of one of her patients a few months back had reminded her of that.

"I'm sure they'll love you," Callie replied. _'They always do.'_

Arizona laughed. "Maybe," blue eyes remained focused on her paperwork. She and Callie were taking things slow and the urge to press her lips against Callie's every time she looked into those warm, brown eyes was not that. It was quite the opposite actually. "I might be a little rusty from these few years out of the game."

"Well, I'm sure it'll just feel like coming home," Callie smiled, brown eyes sparkling.

Arizona froze; her nerves skyrocketed. _'Was that word choice intentional?'_ A small laugh escaped her lips, though it sounded more like she was clearing her throat. "Y-Yeah," Arizona looked up to meet Callie's gaze. "Maybe it will."

 _Was she sweating? She felt like she was sweating._

Callie was the first to break eye contact. "I have to get going. I have a surgery in about an hour, but I'll stop by the Peds floor later to see how you're doing."

Arizona nodded to confirm. Callie's words were phrased as a statement, but by the way her pitch went up as she reached the end, Arizona knew she was asking for permission. "Sounds great," the blonde forced a smile.

Callie quirked an eyebrow. Something was off about Arizona's behavior, but she didn't want to push. She wasn't one hundred percent sure of her place in the blonde's life at the moment. Were they just friends? Co-workers? Simply co-existing mothers? Friends but with no dating allowed because eventually they would be more? Callie didn't know, but they both agreed that the most important thing for them right now was to communicate and _this_ whole confusion thing was not that. So maybe she should be pushing a little.

"I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah."

Callie could see Arizona was stressed about starting at a new hospital, in a new city, in an _old_ specialty, and decided that a conversation about their current situation could at least wait until her first day was over.

Arizona's false smile fell once Callie left the room, and she let the chair underneath her take the weight of her body. Elbows resting on her desk, she dropped her head into the palms of her hands. The conscious effort it took to restrain herself from jumping Callie was physically exhausting, but she knew it was necessary. They both had changed so much from the time when they first got together and she knew that if this was ever going to work between them, they needed to start out as friends and relearn everything about each other. They needed to fall in love with each other as the people they were _now,_ not who they were _before_. Although, knowing all of that didn't make it any easier for Arizona to put a cap on her feelings because, God, did she want her. But more than anything else, she wanted them to work this time around. She couldn't afford getting hurt by Callie again and she didn't want to hurt Callie anymore than she already has, so, they were taking it slow. And it was hard as hell.

* * *

Arizona's first day at Mount Sinai Hospital was going well. The kids were great. Her co-workers were a little more different than she was used to, and by that, she meant more professional, but she'd get used to it. Her interns and residents were okay, nothing really too special, for Pediatrics, at least.

Arizona opted to stay in her office for lunch. Callie was in surgery and for possibly the first time in her life, the blonde wasn't in the mood to make new friends. No one at Mount Sinai really intrigued her. They were all very polite and always professional, which, don't get her wrong, those qualities are exactly what you want in a doctor, but it was just boring.

'You busy?' Arizona sent the text message.

 _'No,'_ the response came no more than a couple minutes after the message was sent. _'That's the perk of quitting surgery. You have a whole lot of free time.'_

The left corner of Arizona's mouth quirked upwards to form a half smile. Arizona knew April was joking, but she couldn't help but sense some regret in her friend's words.

Instead of typing out a message in reply Arizona pressed on the button of a lowercase 'i' with a circle around it, in the top righthand corner of her phone screen, and pressed on April's name when the screen popped up. She held the phone up to her ear.

"Hey!"

 _"Hey, how's New York?"_

Arizona fiddled with the pen on her desk as she contemplated how to answer April's question.

"It's good. Different but," Arizona somewhat lied. She didn't dislike New York but it didn't feel completely like home either. "Change is good, right?"

 _"Mm,"_ April didn't have much to say in reply. She had embraced quite a bit of change after her accident and she was no more happy than she had been before it. Wanting to change the topic, April added, " _How's Callie?"_

A long pause emitted from Arizona's end.

"She's good." Another pause. "We talked."

" _Already? Wow, that was fast.'_

"Yeah," The blonde chuckled to herself. "But it felt good, you know?" Arizona expelled a breath of air. "We talked about _everything_ and it was such a relief."

 _"And where are you two now?"_

"We're starting over. Friends first. And I think it'll be good for us in the long run, but my God, April, it is-,"

A knock on her office door silenced her, and a quick glance through the small, square-shaped glass showed her Callie was on the other side.

"Um, April, I have to go. I'll call you later, bye." Arizona hung up before the woman on the other end could get a word in.

"Come in!"

The door handle turned, and Arizona found herself wondering if she looked presentable.

"Hey," Callie shut the door behind her. "You weren't in the cafeteria so I figured you'd be in here."

"How'd you know this was my office?" Arizona inquired.

"I have my ways," Callie teased.

What sounded like crinkling paper brought Arizona's gaze to the white paper bag Callie held in her left hand.

"I brought you a scone," the brunette set the bag down on the corner of Arizona's desk. A smirk tugged at the blonde's mouth as she reached for it.

"It better not be pumpkin."

Callie feigned a gasp. "I would never."

Arizona's dimples popped at Callie's sarcasm.

"Ooh, chocolate!" the exclamation was childlike as she pulled out the brown pastry. Callie couldn't help the smile that spread across her features. Arizona's excitement over the little things had always made the brunette's heart melt.

"So how's your first day going?" Callie questioned Arizona as she bit into the crumbly snack. "Anything interesting?"

Arizona scrunched her nose up as she chewed. "No, not really," she swallowed, "Everyone here is kinda.."

"Boring?"

Arizona looked up with a half-hearted smile. "Yeah."

With a nod and shy smile, Callie's eyes fell to the floor as she took a step forward, her hands digging further into the pockets of her lab coat. "Grey-Sloan is definitely a little more invasive than the people here."

A scoff escaped Arizona's pink lips and her eyebrows raised with a slight nod of her head. "Maybe just a bit."

"You get used to it though."

Arizona nodded. The two women's eyes locked with each other's and then it was happening again. That thing where silence fell between them and it felt as if there was no one or _nothing_ else but them around for miles.

"Dr. Robbins!" A female voice startled the two exes.

"Yeah?" Arizona's head snapped towards the direction of the door. She was silently grateful someone had interrupted whatever moment she and Callie were just having because she wasn't sure what would've happened if he hadn't.

"I'm Dr. Brown. Chief of Surgery here at Mount Sinai. I would love to show you around if you don't mind."

"Oh, right. Yes, of course," Arizona pushed back from the desk.

Callie opened her mouth, preparing to interrupt when she had the chance, but Arizona was gone and out the door before she could even blink.

A sigh of defeat fell from her red lips.

* * *

"So what made you decide to move to New York?" Dr. Amber Brown questioned her new Pediatric attending. They'd finished their tour of the hospital and were now standing by the nurse's station in the emergency room, making conversation.

"Oh, um, my daughter lives here with my ex. So it was just easier on her if I moved here too."

"Is he a doctor?" the chief of surgery inquired as she handed off an iPad with a patient's information to a nurse behind the desk.

"She," Arizona corrected. "And yes, she is."

Amber nodded. She noticed how the blonde was avoiding eye contact, so she took a guess that talking about her ex-wife wasn't something she did often with strangers.

"So, um, have you made any new friends yet?"

Arizona smiled. The chief of surgery sure did ask a lot of questions. But she liked it. Amber was the only person she'd met so far at Mount Sinai that reminded her the most of her colleagues back in Seattle.

"Um, no. Not really. I've only been here for three days, so I haven't had much time for anything other than work and settling in."

"You and Dr. Torres seemed to really be hitting it off."

Arizona's face turned beet red as she released a breathy laugh.

"Oh," Dr. Brown raised her eyebrows. "So she's…"

Arizona nodded. "My ex-wife, yeah."

Amber was about to make a comment about the intense staring context she'd walked into between them about 30 minutes ago, but a loud bellow from a man interrupted her.

"What do we got?"

Arizona turned towards the Emergency bay entrance, half expecting to see Owen running up to a gurney. Instead, it was some brown haired man, probably around forty years old.

"Male. 9 years old. Fell off the top of a ladder while helping his dad paint their house. Puncture would to the upper right abdomen. Possible spleen laceration."

"Alright. Page Peds. Tell them to meet me in trauma room 1."

Arizona sprung into action, making a beeline for the gurney.

"Already here."

"Who are you?" The man spat as he walked in stride with the moving gurney.

"Arizona Robbins. I'm your new head of Peds."

* * *

 _"Emergency trauma came in. Won't be able to make it for dinner with Sof, but I'll stop by when I'm done to help put her to bed."_

A frustrated groan emitted from Callie's throat. Putting her phone back down, she eyed the two wine glasses she'd already set out on the counter. Red for herself; white for Arizona. After a moment of contemplation, Callie grabbed Arizona's glass and dumped the clear liquid down the sink. Her pity party was quickly interrupted by the sizzling sound coming from the stove; her chicken piccata was done. Brown eyes widened and a mumbled "crap" fell from her lips as she swiftly pulled the pan containing her recipe off of the front right burner. She breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was intact and nothing was burnt.

"Sofia!" She called. "Dinner's ready!"

Sofia came bouncing down the stairs as Callie stabbed a the smallest piece of chicken with a fork and placed it on her daughter's plate.

"Where's Momma?" the seven-year old asked as she took a seat at the dinner table. Her nose and eyebrows scrunched up in adorable confusion.

"Momma got called into an emergency surgery, so she won't be able to join us for dinner tonight," Callie explained as she cut the chicken into smaller pieces. Sofia's face fell, and Callie felt bad for having to disappoint their daughter. "But," she started, her tone attempting to sound lighter and more excited. The truth was Sofia wasn't the only one who was disappointed by Arizona's unavailability. Yeah, they were taking things slow but that didn't mean she couldn't try to "whoo" her, if you will. She wanted to show Arizona that she was one hundred percent in on starting over, and to Callie, making Arizona her famous chicken piccata as if she'd never had it before was a good place to start. "We will all three be having dinner together much more often now that you both live here in New York, okay?"

"Okay," the mumble was barely coherent, and she made no attempt to hide her disappointment as she stabbed a piece of chicken a little more forcefully than she should've.

* * *

"G'night, sweet girl."

Callie wore a content smile on her face as she watched Arizona tuck Sofia into bed from the hallway outside of her bedroom. She'd missed this, watching Arizona with their daughter. She used to do it almost every night while they were married, and even more so after the cheating. Watching Arizona with Sofia was one of the few things that helped to momentarily quell her doubts about staying with her, so she made almost like note in her mind to do it everyday. But clearly, that hadn't been enough.

"She's down," Arizona whispered. "Out like a light."

Callie smiled as the blonde approached her.

"Yeah, she had a big first day back today. Probably wore her tiny body out."

Arizona chuckled and bowed her head. "Yeah, um, well, I should probably get going. I need to be at the hospital early tomorrow morning to check on my trauma kid post-op."

Callie nodded, hoping the disappointment she felt wasn't visible on her face. She had been hoping Arizona would stay a little longer so they could hang out and talk for a while.

"Let me walk you to the door," Callie attempted to lighten the mood. She stretched her arm out, motioning for Arizona to go ahead down the stairs.

The blonde managed a cheeky smile, a single dimple showing through on her right cheek. "Calliope, you-"

Callie internally squealed. _'She called me Calliope.'_

"Ah, no. I insist."

Arizona grinned. "Well, if you insist."

Arizona started down the stairs, Callie following a few steps behind her. They passed the kitchen on the way to the front door, and a bottle of white wine left out on the counter caught her eye. It looked to be brand new, only maybe a single glass of the liquid seemed to be missing.

"You don't drink white wine," Arizona mused. She was rummaging for an answer to the question that's been nagging her all day. It seemed that, even though Arizona was the one that came up with the notion of them starting over, she wasn't one hundred percent sure what that meant herself.

"Uh," Callie stuttered, her gaze dropped to her fidgeting hands that were resting in front of her stomach. She felt like she'd just been caught. "Yeah, I bought that for you." Tan cheeks flushed, and Arizona wasn't sure if the huge smile she felt warm her insides was visible on her face.

"When?" Arizona spun around to face the blushing brunette.

"Like a day or two before you got here," Callie admitted sheepishly.

Arizona's lips pulled into full on smile, dimples on display and blue eyes twinkling. Callie had went out of her way to buy a type of wine she didn't even drink, just for her. "No, it's sweet."

Callie looked up. She hadn't been expecting that kind of response. Her gaze met with those bright blue eyes, which were lit up by her magical smile. Callie loved her smile.

Arizona took a step forward. "Thank you for that scone, by the way."

"Oh, that? It was no problem really," Callie chuckled, brushing off her ex's obvious flirting.

"It's not nothing to me, Callie."

Callie felt her breath catch in her throat, and her heart started to beat faster. There was less than an arm's length between them, the length of an iPhone was probably a much more accurate description. Brown eyes kept falling to the other woman's pink lips. They looked so soft, so kissable. The brunette slammed her eyes shut. _'No, Callie. Slow. You two are taking things_ ** _slow_** _.'_

"Arizona," she husked. "What are we doing?"

Callie watched the blonde's posture shrink back slightly, a line forming between her brows. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"What are _we_?" Callie hand gestured between the two of them. "Are we dating? Are we just friends? You said we need to communicate and it-it doesn't really feel like we are." The brunette searched blue eyes as she waited for an answer.

Arizona sighed. "I'm not ready for a to start back into a relationship with you, Callie. Not right away."

"Okay," Callie treaded the conversation slowly. "Then what are we doing, Arizona? Are we flirty, exclusive friends who aren't dating other people? Or something else entirely that I didn't even think about?"

Arizona's face fell. "Do you want to?" She asked. "See other people?"

"What?" Dark eyebrows furrowed. Was Arizona really asking her that? "No, Arizona. I don't want to see anyone else."

"Okay." Arizona believed her. "Then what are you trying to get at here, Calliope?"

"I just-," Callie dropped her arms to her sides. "You said we were starting over as friends first and I guess I don't really know what that means. We were never friends before we started dating. Maybe we need ground rules or something," Callie joked lightheartedly.

"You're right," Arizona nodded in agreement. "We're the kind of friends who.." the blonde trailed off for a second as she tried to piece her words together. "Were friends a very long time ago and then had a falling out."

"So.." It took Callie a minute to catch on. "We're re-learning everything about each other and rebuilding, or in our case, building a friendship based on who we are now."

"Exactly," Arizona flashed a shaky smile. "We'll hang out, talk, have family outings with Sofia, but yeah, I guess there do need to be boundaries."

"No flirting," It was the first thing that popped into Callie's mind. Flirting clouded Callie's logical judgement, and if this was going to work, there couldn't be any of that.

Arizona nodded. "No flirting."

"Are we exclusive?"

Arizona chewed on the inside of her right cheek. She wanted to be, but she wasn't sure how long it would be until she would feel ready to start a relationship with her again. And it was unfair to ask Callie to wait for her.

"Only if you want to be."

Callie smiled. She did. And now she knew Arizona did too. "Sounds good to me."

Arizona returned the smile. "Sounds _awesome_."


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is! I'm sorry it took so long. Things came up and I was a little unmotivated some days, but I worked really hard on it and I hope you all enjoy it! Don't forget to leave reviews. They're much appreciated!**

Things between Callie and Arizona were going great. Sure, Arizona had only been in New York one full week, but it had been a week full of big and little steps. Since their talk regarding where their relationship with each other stood, everything had been smooth sailing, for the most part. There were some hiccups of awkwardness here and there. Building a friendship with someone you used to know like the back of your hand was a little more difficult than one might think. But it also provided both women insight into just how much they _had_ changed in the years since the plane crash. Surprisingly to them, the two were kind of loving learning things about the other they'd never known. They looked forward to having lunch with each other at the hospital everyday, whenever one of them wasn't held up in surgery. They had dinner with Sofia almost every night. There was a lot of smiling and laughing. Lots of butterflies. Lots of stolen glances as well as eye contact that lasted too long. Yeah, they were kind of loving this _"friendship"_ stage.

* * *

Even with all the truth Callie had revealed to Arizona within the week since she and Sofia arrived, she still had a dark cloud looming over her. Something she still hadn't talked to Arizona about. _Penny_.

Callie still hadn't told Arizona about how or _when_ her relationship with Penny ended. She knew she needed too, but she didn't know _how_ to. What if knowing what happened between her and Penny would be the iceberg that sank their Titanic?

Around a month and a half before Arizona called and told Callie she would be moving to New York with Sofia, Callie had started planning to move back to Seattle. For months after she moved to New York, Callie had been consumed with guilt surrounding how she'd treated her friends and Arizona while she was with Penny, and when she broke up with her, she didn't know how she would face them again. The only reason she'd caused such a mess was _because of Penny_. How was she supposed to tell them that it was for nothing? What would she say? " _Sorry about all the damage I caused I was just having a midlife crisis. Can you please forgive me?"_ And then Arizona, God, she'd hurt her so badly, and she'd had no clue where she would even start with her. Arizona had bought her those plane tickets and allowed Sofia to come to New York with her because she thought Callie was desperately in love with Penny, putting her happiness over her own once again. How was Callie supposed to tell her that, that relationship flamed out almost as quickly as it had escalated? Even though Callie's feelings for Penny were real, they had also forced further than they truthfully were. When she met her, things happened fast. Callie's feelings developed quickly, as they usually do, and she became blindsided. She was terrified of messing yet another relationship up and making the same mistakes she'd made in her previous relationships that she became ignorant to all the damage she was causing with her impulsivity.

Callie realized that being with Penny wasn't what she wanted no more than a month after she got settled in New York, but she decided to stay with her anyways. Because if she didn't, then she had uprooted hers, Sofia's and Arizona's life for nothing. So she began distancing herself from Penny instead. She made up excuses as to why they couldn't see each other as much and since Penny was already busy with her grant, it made it easy for Callie to not have to sleep next to her every night. Penny was only allowed spend the night when they both were not on call because Callie didn't want to leave Sofia alone with her. It wasn't because Callie didn't trust Penny. She did. Penny was a great woman, but Callie didn't want Sofia getting attached to her, which ended up not being much of a problem since Sofia didn't like her all that much anyway. The six year old was always asking when her Mommy would be coming home, and every time that question left her daughter's mouth, it tugged harder at the constant guilt in the pit of Callie's gut. Sofia's constant calling for her other mother eventually led to Callie allowing her daughter to go back to Seattle earlier than planned. Callie decided enough was enough and officially called it quits on her relationship with Penny the day after, but her guilt over how she'd left things and one other thing kept her from moving back to Seattle right away.

Callie felt pressured to move on quickly after her divorce from Arizona. At the time, she didn't know why. Their divorce hadn't been about seeing other people. It had been about learning to love themselves without the other by their side. It wasn't until Callie had broken up with Penny that she came to realize she had _never_ been single. Not for a long period of time. First, it was George, then Erica, then Arizona, then Dan, and then Penny. And when she was going through the heartbreak of George and Erica, Callie had, had Mark. Even throughout school, she was always going from one guy to the next. In the months she spent alone in New York without Penny and Sofia, it dawned on the brunette that she had lost touch with herself as _just_ _Callie_ a very long time ago. Along with her guilt surrounding how she'd treated her friends and Arizona while she was with Penny, the need to get back in touch with herself was what kept her in Seattle.

During those seven months she was alone in New York, Callie reflected on so many parts of her life, from George to Penny and everything in between. She danced, she learned some more about the LGBTQ+ community in regards to their treatment by medical professionals, she did groundbreaking surgeries, and she didn't date. Anyone. No hook ups. Nothing. She hooked up with _herself_.

Callie didn't know if Arizona would understand all of that. Even though Arizona had been adamant about being honest with each other and communicating but a million of these "what if", irrational worst case scenarios were running through her mind and throwing her for a loop.

* * *

"Coffee?" A white cup appeared in Arizona's line of sight, and smirk appeared on the blonde's face.

"Desperately," Arizona admitted as she took the cup from Callie's hand, and took a long gulp. "Thanks."

Arizona had slept past her alarm clock this morning leaving her in a rush to get out the door and make it on time to her scheduled 8 a.m. surgery, so she was very much in need of the caffeine boost.

"So," Callie shifted her gaze to the floor, swiping her foot against the marble tile. "I've been thinking." _She has. A lot._ "You've been here one full week now and you still haven't seen much of the city yet, so what would you say to having a picnic in Central Park with me and Sofia this weekend?" Callie made cautious eye contact with the blonde standing in front of her, bracing herself for the rejection.

Arizona felt her heart smile. Her smirk reappeared and her blue eyes twinkled. Callie's nerves over asking her to go on a family outing was amusing to her.

"Mm," she mused. "This isn't a date is it?"

"What?" Callie choked out. Panic overtook her features. _Yep. Rejection_. "No, of course not. It's just an ex-wife, current co-parents, and newly friends outing."

Arizona's smirk turned into a full blown smile, that she quickly tried to hide. "Mhm." Arizona turned her back to Callie, refocusing her attention to the iPad containing her patient charts. Messing with Callie was one of her favorite pass times. She thought it was the cutest thing when the brunette started her nervous rambling.

"Come on, Arizona!" Callie was beginning to get frustrated. Here she was trying to follow Arizona's "friends first" rule and she wouldn't even give her the time of day. "If you plan on living here, you're going to have to get to know the city sooner or later. Why not do it with Sofia and I?" The brunette didn't even wait for a response before adding. "Plus, friends do hang out, Arizona. That's a thing."

Out of Callie's sight, Arizona broke into a grin, laughing silently. Calliope Torres was great at sarcasm, but she sucked at reading it. She turned around. "I was kidding, Calliope. I'd love to have a picnic with you and Sofia in Central Park."

Callie's mouth dropped open to form an "o", her eyebrows just about reaching her hairline. She was pretty sure her cheeks were flushed bright red as well. "Oh."

She felt stupid.

"Ha ha," the mock was humorless. Callie had genuinely thought Arizona was turning her down for a minute.

"Wait," Callie paused, remembering something that could possibly threaten her picnic plans. "Isn't Herman coming in this weekend?"

Arizona nodded. "Yep. Saturday evening."

Swallowing a mouthful of the warm liquid, Arizona caught a glimpse of Callie's disappointed expression. "We can still go though. She won't get in until late."

 _Phew_.

"But I still need to call the bank and talk to them about taking out a loan-"

Callie's eyebrows furrowed. This was the first time she was hearing about any loan. "A loan?"

Arizona gave her a puzzled look. Obviously she needed to take out a loan…

"Yeah. There's no way Nicole's grant is going to cover the construction of an entire hospital, Callie."

"Yeah, but-"

 _Beep! Beep!_

Callie reached into the pocket of her lab coat and pulled out her phone to check her pager notification.

"Dammit," she muttered. "Trauma."

 _Beep! Beep!_

"Oh," Arizona looked down at her phone as well. _TRAUMA_. "Me too."

* * *

"We're here!" Callie announced as she burst through the doors of Trauma room 1, Arizona walking next to her in stride. "What do we got?"

Arizona accepted the patient's chart from a nearby nurse while Callie approached the patient.

"Clara Davis. 17 years old. Been slipping in and out of consciousness. Car accident on the interstate. The other vehicle ran a red light smashed into her. Fractures to her femur and radius. Collapsed lung and possible internal bleeding," the paramedic that brought her in recited.

Arizona nodded, eyes squinted and lips pursed in concentration.

Dark brown eyebrows furrowed, as she let her eyes scan the patient's full body. Why did that name sound familiar. Oh!

"Clara Davis?"

Arizona looked up. "You know her?"

"Yeah, she's one of my Osteosarcoma patients. She was scheduled for a bone graft tomorrow morning."

Arizona's expression darkened. The blonde felt something squeeze her hand and she dropped her gaze. Her patient was semi-conscious.

"Clara," Arizona spoke softly, moving closer to where her patient's head laid. "I'm Dr. Robbins. Head of Peds. Dr. Torres and I are going to take very good care of you, okay?" She tried to reassure the terrified look in her patient's eyes. That was one thing she did _not_ miss about pediatric surgery.

* * *

 _A few hours later…_

Arizona walked out of one of her patient's rooms, a little boy with leukemia, and handed off his chart to the nurse at the station with a small smile. Randomly glancing to her left, she caught sight of brunette hair on the other side of the nurse's station and did a double take. It was Callie. She was leaning her body weight against the station's counter, arms crossed over her chest as she watched through the glass of a patient's room. Arizona guessed they had taken Clara up to surgery shortly after she was paged for an emergency appendectomy.

The blonde looked into the room herself and confirmed her assumption. Clara laid in the bed, unconscious. A man was asleep in a chair in the corner of the room, and a woman was awake in a chair stationed at her bedside, wearing a worried expression as she held the girl's hand. Arizona assumed those were Clara's parents.

"How is she?" Arizona asked softly as she slid in next to the brunette. She noticed Callie's somber expression and Arizona hoped her response wouldn't be something along the lines of a death sentence.

Callie turned her head to the side, looking to identify the owner of the voice that had just interrupted her thoughts. _Arizona._ Callie released a sigh.

"As well as can be expected," her tone held a light hearted ring to it, but Arizona knew she was serious.

"Were you able to do the bone graft?" Arizona tread the waters gently, trying to get a feel for whether or not Callie was in the mood to talk.

She got a short shake of the head in response.

"She was too weak," Callie sounded genuinely upset, and Arizona wondered if Callie had been treating this girl for a long time. "And Dr. Matthews, our head of cardio," Callie clarified for the blonde since she was new to the hospital. "found mets that had spread to her lungs. She started crashing just as I finished resetting her radius and femur fractures, so we had to close her up."

Arizona listened thoughtfully, watching Callie speak with a concerned expression wearing her features. This patient was clearly affecting her ex-wife, and she wanted to find some way she could help.

"There were dozens of them, Arizona. A few in her abdomen, too," Callie trailed off into silence. Arizona simply nodded, allowing the woman space to process her thoughts. "We're gonna have to admit her to Peds and keep her for close monitoring. We'll take her back into surgery as soon as she's strong enough. Probably won't be able to go home for a month or two."

Arizona licked her lips. There were two responses that she could get from what she was going to ask next. Defensiveness or receptiveness. Arizona hoped it was the latter.

"Have you been treating her for long?" The sweetness of Arizona's voice threatened Callie to crumble.

"Y-Yeah," her voice cracked. "She was one of my first patients here."

Arizona was about to ask why Clara seemed so important to her, but a nurse interrupted their conversation before she could.

"Dr. Torres, she's waking up now."

* * *

 _Saturday, June 17th 2018_

 _10 a.m._

A groan escaped Callie's throat. She'd been up all night, her spinning wheel of a mind going over and over every single possible outcome of her and Arizona's family outing this afternoon. Callie told Sofia to invite her friend Abby and her parents as well, so she could be sure she'd be able to have some alone time with Arizona. The plan was to have a picnic in the park, and then Sofia would go to the Hecksher playground with her friend Abby and her parents, so she and Arizona would have some time to hang out alone. Callie wanted today to go well. It was all she'd been thinking about for the last 24 hours.

Arizona had some things to do at the hospital this morning, so she was going to meet them at the park in approximately - the brunette checked the stove's clock - 4 hours.

* * *

Arizona's negative feelings about New York were slowly, but surely, changing. As she walked around Central Park with Callie, she began to feel like maybe this change isn't so terrible. The park was quite beautiful actually. And huge. Did Arizona mention how huge it was? It was a stark contrast compared to the congested city.

The two women had just finished the tour of the park. They were not sitting on a bench that sidelined the middle of the park, admiring the huge water fountain that filled it.

"What do you think?"

"Hm?"

Callie smiled. Clearly she had interrupted some thought process. "About the park."

"Oh, right," Arizona glanced around as if she needed to absorb everything a second time around. "It's beautiful. Big. I like it."

"Yeah," Callie nodded. "It's my favorite part of living here."

"I brought Sofia here a lot the first year. Sometimes I eat lunch here, too since it's so close to the hospital."

A smile tugged at the blonde's lips. She cleared her throat before speaking. "Do you mind if I join you for lunch here every now and then?"

Callie's smile widened, showing off her pearly white teeth. "Of course not."

Callie and Arizona used to eat lunch at the park close to Grey-Sloan whenever they could for the first year or two of their relationship. There was something about the open air and nature that made them feel even more at ease with each other.

"So," Callie mused. She wasn't sure what would be a good conversation starter. What counts as friendship-building conversation with the woman you're in love with? Talking about the weather? Exes? Work? Everything she came up with sounded flirtatious. After a minute of pondering, she decided to just go with the first thing that came to mind. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Eyes focused on the scene ahead, watching children and their parents laughing with each other, Arizona's head turned swiftly in Callie's direction once the question reached her ears. A crooked smile appeared on her face. "Are you asking me if I'm single?"

Callie's thought process stuttered. ' _Shit. Was that the wrong approach?'_

"Yes, Calliope. I'm single," the blonde spoke through a light chuckle. "Are you?"

"Oh, yeah. Completely," Callie answered rather quickly.

They both already knew the other was single, and that's why Arizona found it so amusing. "You really don't know how to approach this friends situation, huh?"

"Um." Callie struggled with how to respond. She truthfully didn't have a clue. She was constantly second guessing her thoughts and actions. She released an awkward laugh. "Yeah, not so much."

"Don't worry about it," Arizona shook her head. "I'm not so sure how to go about it either."

It was true. Arizona was struggling with the whole "just being friends" thing as well, even though she was the one who came up with it. The want to kiss her was constant. She was always thinking about her, and a lot of those thoughts weren't very friendly. And it was a struggle to put all of their history behind them when she still had questions left unanswered.

"It's just.. a little awkward," Callie admitted.

Arizona nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Callie's voice softened, and it brought Arizona back to the many times she'd stood in front of Callie crying while she tried to comfort her. She had to close her eyes. The rush of memories was enough for tears to sting in her eyes.

Sure the teary sensation had passed, Arizona reopened her eyes and released a heavy breath. She looked up and into Callie's honest brown eyes, and Arizona saw that she was ready to answer any question she tossed her.

"When you and Penny broke up, why didn't you move back to Seattle?" The question had been plaguing the blonde ever since the news of Callie's split from Penny accidentally came to light from Sofia. She'd been trying to move past it, but she couldn't wrap her head around it. The only reason Callie had moved to New York and uprooted their family's life was because of Penny. So, if she wasn't with Penny, why had she stayed? She'd had to ask. Arizona knew if she didn't have that question answered, she wouldn't be able to fully reopen her heart to let Callie back in.

The force of the question hit Callie hard. She should've had this conversation with Arizona sooner.

"I'm not mad," Arizona saw Callie's apprehension. "Not anymore. I just have some questions."

Callie nodded and blew out a breath of hot air. Here it goes. "I know that. You have every right to, Arizona." The brunette didn't break her eye contact with the blonde. She'd been going over this conversation in her head for months. She knew what she was going to say. "And to answer your question, guilt. I stayed here because of guilt and the realization that I needed to get back in touch with myself," Callie paused and scanned Arizona's expression, but it was blank and she couldn't read it. "It didn't take me long to realize that Penny was a mistake, but I didn't break up with her until Sofia went back to live with you."

Now Callie could read Arizona's facial expression. Her eyebrows were furrowed; her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head as she tried to digest the information Callie was giving her. "Why?"

"I felt guilty," Callie shrugged. "I realized that my actions while I was with Penny, the impulsivity, the custody battle.." She trailed off. Callie hated acknowledging that was something she had put the two of them through, let alone their little girl. "It was all because I was so terrified of having yet another failed relationship. And when I realized how much I royally fucked up, I desperately wanted to make things work because if I hadn't-"

"Everything would have been for nothing," Arizona interjected.

Callie released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "Yeah."

Arizona nodded. Arizona felt one of the walls around her heart fall. She had needed answers, and she got them. "I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean, I know what it feels like to desperately want to make ends meet in a relationship."

Callie gave Arizona room to speak.

"The woman I was with before I decided to move back here, Carina, Andrew's brother. I-"

"DeLuca?"

"Yep," Arizona said, popping the 'p'.

 _Woah,_ Callie thought.

"Sorry, continue."

Arizona smiled. "Um, I didn't feel as strongly about her as she did about me, but I really liked her and wanted it to work. It wasn't until the day I got high that I realized it was because I was terrified of losing someone else in my life."

"You got high?"

Oh, she must've not told Callie about that. "Yeah, it's a long story."

Callie's expression remained confused, her mind reeling, but she guessed that conversation could happen later.

"I'm just saying that I get it, Callie. I'm not necessarily super happy about it, but it's in the past and now that I know, I can move past it."

A smile grew on Callie's face as well as in her heart. Arizona was finally beginning to open up her heart to her.

* * *

 _Knock! Knock!_

"Be there in a second!" Arizona called from her very bland and currently undecorated, apartment living room. She leaned forward and placed the stack of mail she'd been going through next to her glass of white wine. Normally she'd be bothered by someone interrupting her night of relaxation but she knew her intruder was most Nicole. Her plane had landed not to long ago and Arizona was letting her stay with her until she found a place. Also, after her day with Callie and Sofia, she was in a certain type of good mood that she hadn't been in, in a really, _really_ long time.

The front door was located a few hundred feet directly behind the back of her couch, so she didn't have to walk far. Which she was thankful for tonight because her leg was killing her after all the walking she had done at Central Park that day.

Arizona turned the door knob, and gave it a tug.

"He-April?" Blue eyes widened. The red-head gave a barely there, half-hearted smile as a greeting. Arizona noticed her guarded posture first. Her arms weren't crossed but her hands faced one another so that her fingers could play with the left arm opening of her red jacket. She looked tired, almost on the verge of tears, and red locks hung loosely down the sides of her face. "What are you doing here?"

 _'Where's Matthew?'_ Arizona wondered.

"Can I stay here for a while?" April's voice was small, almost scared even.

Arizona's mouth bobbed, words were failing her. She was shocked, to say the least. Opening her door to a disheveled April was the last thing she was expecting tonight. She seemed happy when she'd left her in Seattle. Arizona had noticed slight regret in her words when she would talk to her about work and Matthew, but she never expected for her to show up outside of her apartment in New York at 7 p.m.

"Of course," The blonde managed a small smile over her worried expression. She opened the door wider and took a step back, allowing for her friend to make her way inside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Finally uploading after a decently long wait time. Lots of things came up that prolonged my finishing this but it's done. And it's here! Hopefully it's good enough to make up for the wait. As always, reviews are appreciated and enjoy!**

Arizona trudged into Mount Sinai hospital on Monday morning. Her limbs felt like dead weight and sweat beads were forming on her forehead and under her armpits. At eight o'clock in the morning, the temperature was already a boiling 98 degrees. It was safe to say that her morning was off to an unpleasant start. Ugh. Coffee. She needed coffee.

* * *

"One medium vanilla latte, please" Arizona told the barista her order. Her usual morning grin absent. Arizona reached into her purse, fishing for her wallet.

"A medium coffee, black, please. Could you also load it with cream? Thanks," An unmistakable voice, and order, spoke up, handing their debit card to the barista. Having found her wallet, Arizona glanced over her right shoulder. Her assumption was correct. She was silently grateful for something to make her morning a little better.

The barista slid Arizona's freshly made latte over to her side of the counter, and Arizona handed the younger woman her debit card with a small smile. "Thanks."

"Oh, hey," Callie greeted. She hadn't realized the woman standing next to her was Arizona. They hadn't seen each other since their family outing at the park Saturday afternoon. Although Callie liked to refer to it as their "first date" of their new start.

Last they spoke to each other was on Saturday evening. Arizona had called to ask Callie if Herman could crash at her place for the time being, while she dealt with the April situation.

* * *

 _"Hey! Did Herman get in safely?"_

 _"Um, yes! No. I mean, yeah, she did. Actually something came up and I need you to ask you to do a favor for me, if that's okay."_

 _"Sure, of course. As long as you're not going to ask me to help you bury a dead body or something."_

 _Despite the dire situation at hand, Arizona couldn't help but crack a smile at Callie's joke._

 _"Yeah, well, that actually could be possible."_

 _Dumb joke._

 _"Yeah, no. It's just- something came up and I was wondering if you'd be willing to let Nicole crash at your place tonight? Maybe for a few nights actually. I'm not really sure, to be honest."_

 _"Um," Callie was taken aback. Not in a bad way, she just hadn't been expecting to be asked to offer the final nail in their marriage a place to stay for a few nights. "Yeah, of course. Is everything okay?"_

 _Callie's concern was clearly evident in her tone, and though Arizona wanted to tell her what was going on, she knew she couldn't._

 _"Yeah. No. I don't know," she was stumbling all over her words. "April's here."_

 _"What? Why? Is she okay?" There it was. That concern again._

 _"I really don't know. Look, I'll let you know when I know more."_

* * *

Callie had been glad to do it, even though she honestly didn't think it could get any awkwarder than it already was. Callie had never been Herman's biggest fan. Granted, her reasons for which were illogical but still, there was history there. And Nicole Herman certainly wasn't the easiest person to warm up to.

"How's April?" The brunette figured this was the easiest conversation starter, but she was honestly genuinely curious as well. Her relationship with April had certainly never been as close as her ex's had, but she'd grown a fondness for the quirky red-head over the years. Besides that, Callie was also pretty sure she still had some pictures from their wedding day neither her or Arizona had seen yet.

* * *

 _"I'm-I'm sorry for just showing up unannounced like this. I just-," April's eyes fell shut, and she forced herself to take a breath. She was on the verge of tears once again. Her back was towards Arizona, whom was still by standing by the door, her mind working on processing the situation before her._

 _Once she felt more in control of her emotions, she turned around to face her dumbfounded friend. "I needed to get away for a little while. I-," April's throat began to close in on itself. She forced herself to swallow. "needed some time to think."_

 _Arizona had dealt with a severely distraught April only a few times, but she knew exactly what her friend needed. Some sort of alcoholic drink, to rant and to just allow herself to break down._

 _"Hey, no, no. It's okay," Arizona loosely reassured her friend. Concern was etched into every crevice of her face. She gently grabbed her wrist and led her around to the other side of the couch to sit down. "What happened, April?"_

 _Arizona watched the shaking woman slam her eyes shut, shaking her head from left to right and back again. Arizona rested her hand on the small of her back, not wanting to pressure her but wanting to make sure she knew she was still there._

 _"I didn't think-," April blew out a heavy breath. "I never thought he was capable of doing something like that," she spoke in a hushed whisper._

 _Arizona furrowed her brows. "Do what, April?"_

 _"I never would've married him if I knew…" April continued to shake her head back and forth. A classic symptom of shock._

 _"Hey," Arizona tried to ease her back into reality. April had just made it through an extremely rough patch and Arizona wanted to make sure she didn't fall back into one. "April, look at me." Arizona's voice was gentle, but stern enough to be effective. April turned her head, timidly. "You can tell me what happened."_

 _"I-," April's mouth bobbed. She was speechless. Her mind wasn't piecing together the words she wanted to say. "One second I was talking to Jackson and the next he was on the floor and then," tears stung the corners of her eyes when she thought about what was next, and she had to remind herself to breathe. "I heard her crying," the tears forced their way through her tear ducts, leaving streaks on her face as they cascaded down. "She was bleeding. She was hurt. He hurt her."_

* * *

Arizona blew out a breath of air, her shoulders sagging as worry replaced her irritated expression. "I honestly have no idea," she admitted.

Dark eyebrows furrowed. Callie was curious yet concerned, but she wasn't sure how much information Arizona could give her, so she gave a gentle prod. "Do you know why she's here?"

* * *

 _Arizona's eyes were wide. Was she hearing April correctly?_

 _"Matthew?" Arizona was wracked with disbelief. Surely Matthew wouldn't hurt Jackson. If he didn't have a go at him when he stood up at their first wedding, why would he do it now, after they're married? And surely there's no way in hell Matthew would hurt Harriet.._

 _April nodded silently through her tears. She could tell Arizona couldn't believe it, and she didn't blame her. She couldn't believe it either._

 _Matthew had always been a good man, who loved her at times when she didn't deserve it, and he had always been adamant about his faith and his vow to never inflict violence on any other living soul, but yet, here they were. He let his jealously of her relationship with Jackson get in the way, even though she had already chosen him. He hurt her best friend. And he hurt the most precious and important thing in the world to her. She didn't give a damn if it wasn't on purpose. She didn't know how she could ever forgive that. She could never forgive that._

 _"How?" Arizona couldn't think of anything else to say. She was completely and utterly, speechless._

 _April swallowed, taking deep breaths as she geared herself to relive the events that took place just yesterday._

 _"Jackson wasn't on call yesterday. Matthew was. I thought it would be nice for us to spend some quality time with Harriet because it had been a while," April dared a glance at Arizona's face. Her expression was attentive and thoughtful. Arizona's willingness to be there for her 24/7 had always been comforting to the former trauma surgeon. "We went out for lunch and then we took Harriet to the park, and then we came back to my place. We were talking and hanging out like old times and then I guess Matthew came home and he saw us. Then it happened. Just like that. I-it doesn't even really feel real. How could he do that? Was it something I did? Did I do something to make him think that there was something between me and Jackson?"_

 _"No." Arizona instantly shook her head. "No. This is not your fault, April. Do you hear me? This was not your fault."_

 _April broke away from Arizona's intense gaze. "Yeah, you're probably right," she cracked a smile._

 _"Where's Harriet?"_

 _"She's with Owen and Amelia. I asked them to watch her while I was gone. I didn't want Jackson to keep her at his place because of what happened, and he agreed. I just needed to get away as soon as possible, and you were the first person I thought of so, I booked the soonest flight to New York."_

 _"Hey, it's okay. You're my friend. You can stay here as long as you need."_

* * *

"Yeah," the blonde's reply was short and her gaze was fixated on the rim of her coffee cup that was now stained with her light pink lipstick. She desperately wanted to tell Callie what was going on, but she'd betrayed April's trust once before and she wouldn't dare make that mistake once again.

"And I'm guessing you can't tell me the reason why?" Callie's face and tone held a knowing expression.

Arizona shot the brunette just a flicker of a gaze. "Nope."

"I get it," Callie said. "Although, I am kind of doing you this huge favor of allowing your ex-mentor, new co-business partner to sleep in my guest room so maybe you could tell me _something_ whenever Kepner says it's okay?"

Arizona's lips curled upwards into a small smile that she tried to hide. "Of course."

"And thank you, by the way, for doing that. It was just kind of unexpected, you know, and you didn't have to considering.." she trailed off. She was alluding to her fellowship that had ultimately ended their marriage, but she was sure Callie didn't need a verbal reminder of that. "everything."

"Don't worry about it."

And Callie meant it. Well, mostly. "She isn't exactly the easiest person to get along with but April needs you right now, so I'm glad to help out."

"Thank you," Arizona's Super Magic Smile made an appearance and Callie's heart just about melted right then and there. "You're amazing."

Yep. Callie Torres was a puddle of all the feels.

* * *

Walking through the Pediatric ICU, Callie was seriously dreading this follow up with Clara and her parents. In terms of the injuries sustained last Thursday, she would be fine, but in terms of her Osteosarcoma, things were getting worse.

Clara had a huge tumor, the size of a baseball right underneath her kneecap, and with the mets in her lungs, she would die before Callie could come up with another course of action to treat her tumor. She had removed this tumor once before, one of her first surgeries upon arriving to New York, but unfortunately, the tumor had grown back. Callie Torres hated nothing more than admitting defeat, but ultimately, the only option she had left, was amputation.

"Dr. Torres, hi!" Clara's jittery mother jumped out of the corner chair to greet her daughter's surgeon.

Callie gave her a solemn smile. Surgeon's guide 101: never let the parents know you have bad news. Watching the mother's hopeful expression fall, Callie knew she'd just failed that one.

"The nurse said you had some things you needed to discuss with us?"

Callie nodded and spared a glance at Clara, awake but looking as weak as she'd ever seen her. She could tell by her expression and the dullness in her hazel eyes that she already knew the news wasn't good. Her parents on the other hand, were still clinging onto the last string of hope.

"Mr. and Mrs. Davis," Callie began. "As I'm sure Dr. Matthews told you when she followed up with you after Clara's surgery on Thursday, we found mets that had metastasized to your daughter's lungs. We were unable to remove them as she was already too unstable. With the extent of her injuries from her accident and her already weakened condition, we are unsure as to when we will be able to go back in and remove them."

"But you will, right? You'll get them out?"

"Um, no. I won't be, but Dr. Matthew's will. Um," Callie paused, trying to figure out what words she should use to tell her patient's parents their daughter is dying and needs an amputation. "As we've discussed her condition is getting worse, and while I am still researching an alternate treatment for your daughter's tumor, I am afraid that by the time I do, she will be too weak to undergo the surgery."

Clara's parents held similar expressions. Both confused. Callie knew they were having difficulty digesting the information she'd just given them.

"So, what are you saying?"

Callie took a breath. "I'm officially recommending amputation."

"No." Clara's mother didn't miss a beat.

"Mrs. Davis…"

"No. I will not allow for you to cut off my daughter's leg!"

* * *

 _"No! No! No. An intramedullary nailing can save the leg!"_

 _"Define save? Her leg will never be the same."_

* * *

"Mrs. Davis, Clara's condition is only worsening and an amputation will better increase her chances of survival-"

"I said no. My daughter needs her leg! You know that she's a skater. She _needs_ her leg."

* * *

 _"You know what you're life is going to be. You know if you're going to..take her to the park. Or if you're going to stand in an O.R. table again!"_

 _"You will!"_

 _"Or-I know-!"_

 _"Yes, you will!"_

 _"I know what my options are!_

* * *

"Clara will be able to skate. Technology is improving every day, and we already have prosthetics that will allow for her to do all of the things she wants to," Callie tried to reason with the distraught mother. She knew the position she was in. She understood exactly how gut wrenching it was. But she also knew the other side of it. She knew that Clara would be okay.

Clara's mother was about to fire back, but her daughter decided then to speak up.

"Mom, it's okay. I knew this could be a possibility. I've accepted it."

Clara's mom looked at her daughter for a few seconds, digesting her words, but ultimately, this is what she said next. "Find another solution. Or I will take her to someone who will."

* * *

"Hey! I'm on my way. I just had to check on a patient at the hospital and then-,"

 _"I don't need excuses, Robbins. Just get over here."_

 _Beep._

Arizona rolled her eyes and hung up her phone, shoving it back into her purse.

She was on her way to an abandoned building across the street from the empty space where they wanted to build their hospital. She and Nicole decided that would be the best place to have meetings regarding the construction, planning, hiring, etc. of the building. Arizona had gotten permission from the retailer before she left, so everything was set. She'd gotten a desk and some chairs to fill it as well.

* * *

"Look who finally decided to show up," was the greeting Arizona got when she entered the small building space. Herman was sitting in one of the chairs, facing the doorway, a seeing eye dog laying by her feet, underneath the table. It looked to be a black lab, maybe 3-4 years old.

"It's only 2 p.m."

"Oh, come on," Nicole waved her hand in dismissal. "You know I'm just messing with you."

Arizona raised her eyebrows. _Mhm._

"Now, sit," the ex-fetal surgeon tapped the the hard wooded table. "We have a lot to discuss."

* * *

Back in Arizona's apartment, April was trying to figure out what the hell her next step was going to be. She wasn't ready to go back to Seattle. After what happened, she just needed at least a week away from there and Matthew. But then there was Harriet, whom she hated being away from. Jackson was with Maggie so he was fine, but they still needed to talk about what happened because Matthew's behavior was so completely unacceptable. If she was being completely honest after everything with the shooting, being fired, the plane crash, the storm, her first wedding, Samuel, Bagdad, the divorce, Harriet's birth, the fire, her crisis of faith, near-death experience, and now this? She didn't know if she could _ever_ go back to Seattle. But what would that mean for Harriet? Her life was an actual catastrophe.

* * *

 _'Hope your meeting with Herman goes well. Miss you at the hospital already.'_

The corners of Arizona's mouth pulled upwards into a smile, causing her dimples to pop at the strain in the muscles of her cheeks.

"Who is it?" The raspy voice of her partner entered her ears. "I can feel you smiling all the way over here."

"H-," Arizona stopped herself. Asking the question wasn't worth it. She wouldn't get a straightforward answer anyway. "No one."

Arizona locked her phone and placed it face down on the table before turning and scooting her chair closer to Nicole. "So I was thinking that we could place the emergenc-."

"Don't bullshit me, Robbins." Arizona released a huff of annoyance. "Tell me who it is."

"But it's not important," Arizona countered.

"It's Callie, isn't it?"

Arizona didn't reply.

A smirk grew on her former mentor's face. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"No. It's not," Arizona was quick to defend her phone antics. She wasn't one hundred percent sure of her feelings for Callie at the moment and she certainly wasn't ready to let other people know. "You know, i-it's Carina."

Herman quirked her eyebrow in disbelief. "Carina?"

"Yep," Arizona lied.

"You are so full of crap."

"What? No, I'm not!" Arizona's determination to cover up what was obviously her feelings for her ex-wife intrigued Nicole.

"Oh, you totally are." Arizona rolled her eyes. "But I get it! You know, there's history there."

Arizona let out a sigh. This is not what they came here to discuss. She reached forward and began to collect the papers and the blueprint she'd spread out across the desk. They were almost done here for the day anyway.

"But Callie seems pretty great. I mean, I don't know all that much about her, and what I do know, came from your mopey and pathetic mouth after your so I'm not sure how objective I can be here for you."

"Alright, I think we're done here for today," Arizona said as she stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in, the stack of papers she'd brought in held close to her chest.

"Oh, come on, Robbins! Don't be such a hard ass." The red-head patted the seat next to her. "Tell me about Callie."

Arizona rolled her eyes again, but this time a small smirk formed wore her lips. With a dramatized reluctance, the blonde sat down next to her mentor once again.

"We're just friends." Arizona observed Nicole's frown. "We're starting over. Taking it slow, you know?"

Nicole shook her head. "Not particularly, but continue."

Arizona bit back a scoff. "It's kind of amazing, but also really, really confusing. We're such different people now, but it's also the same feeling as when we first got together. I smile every time I get a text from her. My breath catches in my throat when she smiles at me. My stomach swarms with butterflies when she enters the room. My heart beats faster."

"You're much softer than I remember."

"Well, you only know the post-Callie me," Arizona paused, a realization coming over her. "She's much different."

In that moment, in a way she'd never thought before, Arizona Robbins realized who Calliope Torres was to her. Her _Lexie_.

For years and _years_ , Arizona hadn't wanted to admit how alike she and Mark were. It was the major reason why she disliked him so much in the beginning. He wore all of her worst qualities out in the open. A player, hard headed, selfish at times, etc. But for the first time since he came into and went out of her life, she realized the biggest thing they had in common. They both had only one person who could tie them down. _Callie_ was her _Lexie_.

"Robbins?"

Arizona was snapped out of her thoughts. "Hm?"

"I don't do nonverbal."

"Right, sorry. Um, back to what I was saying," Arizona blinked hard and gave a shake of her head to bring herself back to her previous thoughts.

"Being friends first is great, but it's also so, _so_ hard, and the tension is ridiculously overwhelming. And I would love nothing more than to just pull her in and kiss her, but I can't do that!"

"Why can't you?" Classic Nicole Herman. So practical.

"Because we're building our friendship first an-."

"No, I mean, why _can't_ you?"

Arizona drew her eyebrows together. "I'm not so sure I follow."

"How many times do I have to tell you? You're so thick, Robbins!" Nicole exclaimed. "You both are on the same page, correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"And you both want to be together, correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"No but's! You can date someone and still build a friendship, Robbins. That's what the term 'taking it slow' is for. You date, and you learn about the other person. You don't have to torture yourselves with all of this 'friend's first' bullcrap."

Arizona was taken aback. "I-," She wanted to fire back with another reason why that wouldn't work, but the truth was, she didn't have one. The truth was she had been _afraid_. After everything that happened between them, she was afraid about what would happen if they were to not work out again. She'd been using this "friend's first" rule as a way to prolong the possibility of getting hurt again, but that was no way to live. She and Callie had been apart for long enough and she didn't want to wait any longer. She wanted to be with her. She wanted to do it the right way and make it work. "Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am. Just think about it this way: My fellow ship broke you two up, and now my grant brought you two back together."

Arizona grinned. Nicole was right. Slightly presumptuous, but she had a point. It did kind of feel like a sign.

Only seconds later, it was decided. She was gonna tell Callie how she feels. Tonight.

She pulled out her phone, and went to her text messages. Tapping on Callie's contact, she began to type, "I need to talk to you."

And _send._

* * *

 _Ding!_

Mid seat buckle, Arizona's phone alerted her she'd just gotten a text message. Pulling her phone out of her purse, curious eyes read over the name _Callie_. Concern for her friend pushed her desire to talk to Callie into the back of her mind.

 _"I need to talk to you too."_

Arizona smiled. She felt a flutter in her chest, hopeful that Callie would be on the same page with her feelings.

 _"Meet me up in radiology ASAP."_

Arizona sighed, heavy disappointment replacing her hopeful fluttering.

* * *

"Hey," Arizona peered into the radiology room from her lingering position at the doorway.

The Orthopedic surgeon stood analyzing two x-ray scans she had pinned to the wall in front of her. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she chewed on her bottom lip in concentration.

A tingling sensation erupted down Arizona's spine. The way Callie bit her lip when analyzing scans always got her feeling some time of way. She gave her head a quick shake to clear it of any dirty thoughts threatening to cloud her logical thinking, and swallowed the build up of saliva in her mouth.

"You said you needed to talk to me?"

"Oh!" A look of recognition crossed Callie's features, and she spun her body one hundred and eighty degrees to the left. "Hi. Yes. Um, you said you needed to talk to me about something too?"

"Uh, yeah," Arizona took a step inside the radiology suite. She kept her eyes glued to the floor to avoid eye contact. "But it can wait."

Coming to a standstill at the brunette's side, Arizona nodded towards the scans. "Who's the patient?"

Arizona heard what sounded like a defeated sigh emit from Callie's throat, and she shot a glance in her direction.

"Clara Davis," Callie finished with another sigh, refusing to take her eyes off the scans. "I was looking over her first scans and her most recent ones. Hoping to find _something_ but," her sentence trailed of. She knew she didn't need to explain it to Arizona. She already knew.

Callie turned the switch off on the illuminated reading panel. Arizona's eyes followed Callie's movement, watching as her tired body fell into one of the chairs placed around the table that held multiple computers for reading scans. She was unsure of what to say next. This patient was clearly having an adverse affect on Callie and she had no idea why. Leaving Arizona with no clue as to what kind of comfort the brunette needed.

"We removed her tumor the first time around when I first moved here," Arizona settled for just being a thoughtful ear and took a seat in the chair next to Callie. "About six months later, it grew back. I've been working on an experimental bone grafting procedure that would guarantee clean margins and no recurrence but with the occurrence of the mets in her lungs, there's no way I could have it finished before.." Arizona leaned forward the slightest bit and gently placed her hand on Callie's thigh before her mind could even comprehend the action. She surprised even herself when she didn't pull it away.

Callie felt a pressure on her left thigh, and her eyes were immediately drawn to the hand that rested there. Instantly, her heart started to beat faster. She could feel it pounding in her ears. When she was able to find her resolve and pull her gaze away from Arizona's hand, still resting, unmoved, on her thigh, her brown eyes looked up to find empathetic blues.

For a second, it felt like something out of a movie. The building tension paired with a coincidental gentle that found them both side by side, lips only inches apart. Then Arizona coughed. And the moment was over.

"So, um, what is it about Clara?" The blonde's attempt to patch up the awkward silence was met with a questioning look. "You're clearly really invested in her case, so I'm just curious. Why is she so special to you?"

Callie inhaled a giant breath of air. Here it goes.

"She's bisexual," a look of understanding washed over the blonde's features. "So I guess I just kind of feel connected to her in that way. I don't know. She's a child," A brash laugh escaped her plump lips, and she shook her head. "That probably doesn't make any sense. Forget it."

Arizona shook her head. "No. That makes perfect sense."

Arizona's fingertips brushed against Callie's arm, causing the brunette to forget how to breathe once again.

"Also, without this bone graft, she needs an amputation, and her mother is hellbent on _not_ letting that happen so," Callie took a pause, hesitant to continue. "I guess she kind of reminds me of you, too."

Arizona nodded. "That makes sense too."

* * *

"Hey! Sorry I'm late. I had to stop by the hospital to help Callie with something and then I got held up with a trauma that came into the ER," Arizona began to explain the second she opened the door to her apartment. "But I did stop at the store and get some wine so we can get as drunk as we want and-," Arizona placed the two brown paper bags, which contained one red and one white bottle of wine, on her kitchen countertop. "Well, you can. I'm on call tomorrow, so I cannot. But I can still listen. That sound good?"

No response.

Arizona finished pulling the bottle of red out of it's brown bag, and placed it back down on the counter. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "April?"

Her eyes scanned the kitchen and living room as she looked around for her friend. Arizona walked out from behind the kitchen countertop and into the living room. Red hair came into view as she turned the corner. April sat on the beige colored couch, a blank expression wearing her pale face. "April?"

April didn't show any acknowledgement of Arizona's presence.

"How did you guys do it?" The petite woman asked a moment later. Her gaze remained locked on the space ahead of her.

"Do what?" Arizona questioned, as she took a seat next to her friend. She was growing concerned. April's facial expression still remained unchanged, almost as if she were dissociating.

"The whole co-parenting thing while you both were on the opposite sides of the country."

Arizona's eyes widened and her mouth fell just a bit agape. April wasn't really considering moving to New York, was she?

April finally turned her head to face Arizona. "How did you do it?"

"Well, we didn't really. I ended up moving here, didn't I?" Arizona attempted a light-hearted joke, which received no appreciate response. "We just came up with a plan that put Sofia's well being first. If Sofia wanted to visit, we came up with the soonest time available she could do that. W-Why are you asking?"

April averted her eyes. "I can't go back there, Arizona. I can't."

"April.." Arizona began, her tone empathetic.

"No!" The red-head jumped to her feet. Blue eyes followed her movement. "Don't tell me this is crazy. I know it sounds crazy, but my life, in Seattle, it isn't even a life! It's a cycle of tragedies! I was held at gun point. Two years later, I was fired. One year later, Jackson ran into a burning bus! Then, Samuel died and I ran off to Jordan. And then Jackson _divorced_ me for seeking what I _needed_ to survive! I gave birth to my daughter on Meredith's freaking kitchen table! And then, I lost God and spiraled into the darkest state of mind I've ever been in. And then I almost freaking died! And this-this is where it gets really interesting. I actually _quit_ being a surgeon. Like what?! Can you believe that? I failed my boards _twice_. I fought so damn hard to be where I was just two months ago and then I just quit," The words spewed from April's mouth on a roll, laughing erupting once she reached the end as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Arizona didn't crack a smile, though. Because it wasn't funny. None of it was. "And if that's not enough, I even got married to man I don't want to be with just because Jackson had Maggie and I didn't want to be alone!"

Now that was news to Arizona.

Tears broke free and rolled down April's cheeks one by one. Arizona pulled her trembling friend back down onto the couch and into a hug, lending her the much need shoulder to cry on.

April was right. She couldn't go back there.

* * *

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

Callie groaned as she walked through her kitchen to the front door. She glanced at the clock on the stove. _10 p.m._. Ugh, she'd only been asleep for an hour.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"I'm coming!"

 _Jeez._

Callie turned the silver knob, and pulled open the door. Arizona nearly fell into her apartment, still dressed in the same clothes she'd worn this morning.

"What are you doing here?" Callie asked through a sleepy haze.

"I couldn't sleep."

Callie only stared at her through squinted eyes. She was half asleep. It took her at least a half hour after being woken up to be wide awake.

"And I was thinking. About your patient, and I think I have an idea."

Suddenly, the brunette felt more alert. "What do you mean?"

"When Grey-Sloan was doing the surgical innovation contest, Amelia came up with an experimental treatment to remove inoperable brain tumors using MRI guided ultrasound ablation. She wasn't able to figure out how to use it to remove the Glioma, but I was thinking we could try it on Clara's tumor."


	5. Chapter 5

**Finally! An update! Ugh, I'm so sorry it took me so long. I don't know why I was struggling so much with this chapter. Please forgive me haha. Anyway, don't forget to leave reviews and enjoy!**

Arizona bounced down the stairs and into the dining area, grabbing her wallet from the counter on her way.

April looked up from her spot at the kitchen table. "What's got you in such a rush this morning?"

"Callie and I have a video call with Amelia in about thirty minutes, and I'm running late." The blonde grabbed her purse from it's hanging position on the bar chair and took a moment to scan her friend's body language. An open newspaper laid in front of her, which was the first thing that flagged Arizona's interest. April didn't read the newspaper. It was too _'oldschool'_. She went to social media and the internet for her news.

"So have you made a decision yet?" Arizona inquired. She was referring to the question April had been pondering since she arrived. New York or Seattle? Did she want to start fresh here or resume and repair her life in Seattle? Although, Arizona only found out about it two days ago.

The redhead shifted uncomfortably in her seat. An obvious no.

Arizona sighed. "You need to talk to Jackson."

"I'm going to," April replied. Her eyes remained focused on the newspaper to avoid making eye contact with the blonde. "As soon as I figure out how to tell him I'm considering moving halfway across the country." The red head let her head fall on top of her arms with a groan.

April had been in New York for four days now, and she honestly kind of loved it. It was much different from Seattle; dirtier and more crowded, but there was also something about it that made her feel like she could breathe easier. For the last year, she's felt like there was this weight sitting right on top of her chest. From the moment she realized Jackson had feelings for Maggie, and vice versa, to her crisis of faith, all the way to her impulsive marriage to Matthew. But once she arrived here, she felt like that weight had begun to lift. If it weren't for Harriet and Jackson back in Seattle, April would buy the first apartment she sees.

She still hadn't talked to Matthew, either. She'd been avoiding all of his calls. Jackson hadn't called her but twice. The first to tell her that he understood why she needed time away and the second to give her an update on Harriet. Matthew had been calling at least three times a day. Only further proving to April that Matthew didn't really know her at all. When April was upset or going through something, she didn't like to be bothered. She liked to have her space, but also to know that someone was there if she needed them. Matthew didn't know that. But Jackson did.

April had no idea how to tell him she was considering this. Or if she even _needed_ to. Because, really, there was no way she could actually do this. Jackson shouldn't have to give up his daughter for however long she was with April and she didn't want Harriet to need t take a six hour flight every time she wanted to see one of her parents. Especially at her age. She was only two. There really was _no way_ she could move to New York.

"You know, I don't really see the point in even mentioning it to him. It's not like I could actually go through with this, Arizona. It sounds _ridiculous_."

"Just _talk_ to him," Arizona pushed.

Arizona threw her purse over her shoulder, and began walking to the front door.

April's furrowed her brows. Why did Arizona keep saying that? Did she know something April didn't?

"I'll talk to him if you talk to Callie!" April yelled after friend who'd already taken off down the hall.

Out of the apartment and the earshot of her conflicted friend, Arizona dialed a familiar number and held the phone up to her ear.

It picked up after the second ring.

"You need to talk to her. _Today_."

* * *

Arizona walked down the hallway of Mount Sinai's Orthopedic wing, juggling two hot coffee's in her hands. A latte for herself, and a regular coffee infused with cream for Callie. Ever since her conversation with Nicole two days ago, Arizona had been working up the courage to tell the brunette that she was ready to take the next step and start dating. She didn't want to wait any longer. Five years was long enough.

Arizona was hoping that the simple gesture of getting Calliope some coffee would aid in creating the perfect mood. Or maybe not. Coffee at ten o'clock in the morning wasn't really all that romantic.

Arizona pushed the door to Callie's office open with the side of her hip. The sound causing the preoccupied brunette to take a moment from checking her emails to shoot a glance in the direction of the doorway. Her brown eyes lit up in an instant. "Oh, hey!"

Callie's gaze fell from Arizona's face to the coffee cups in her hands. "Please tell me one of those is for me."

Arizona grinned. Coffee had definitely been the way to go. "One regular coffee infused with cream. Just the way you like it." She leaned over the desk and handed off the cup to Callie, whom accepted it gratefully.

 _Just say it_. The ambitious voice in her head spoke up. _Now. Do it. Tell her._

 _Right before she has a serious conversation with Amelia about her dying patient?_ The other, reluctant, voice fought back. _That's a little disrespectful if you asked me._

Arizona decided to listen to her reluctant voice. This wasn't the right time to dive into their feelings about each other. It could wait for another time.

Arizona was relieved when the signature FaceTime ringtone filled the air. It had been quiet for almost a full minute and the silence was uncomfortable.

"It's Amelia!" Callie alerted, mid-coffee swallow. She waved a hand, gesturing for Arizona to come sit next to her.

Arizona forced a smile. _Perfect_.

"Dr. Torres! Long time no see," Amelia's face filled the screen. "What has it been two years already?"

Knowing about Callie's fear of confronting her old friends and colleagues, Arizona's eyes darted to Callie's face, checking to make sure Amelia hadn't hit a sore spot. Callie had managed a strained smile, but her cheeks were flushed as she had been reminded of her abrupt flee to New York.

Arizona cleared her throat. "Right, so. The censors."

Arizona watched the tension drain from the brunette's face. Callie glanced at her, eyes conveying a silent 'thank you'.

"Right. Of course," Amelia started after a brief moment of silence. She looked down. At what, neither Callie or Arizona knew. "I think it could work."

Callie's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "You do?"

"I do. I mean, there are some obvious kinks that we'll need to work out since I designed my research for brain tumors, but it has promise," Amelia responded.

"How soon can you fly out?"

Arizona whipped her head in Callie's direction. "Wait, she's coming here?"

For some reason Arizona hadn't connected using Amelia's research with Amelia coming to New York.

Callie turned to look at the woman next to her with a confused expression. "It's her research, Arizona." Her words held a ' _duh_ ' tone.

" _She_ ," Amelia started, placing a large emphasis on the word. "Can be there whenever you want me."

"How's Monday?"

"Monday sounds perfect."

Callie looked to Arizona with raised eyebrows, searching for Arizona to give her agreement.

"Yeah, perfect." The blonde complied with a strained grin.

"Alright, I have a surgery in 15 minutes, so I have to run, but I will see you two ladies on Monday."

 _Beep!_

When the call ended, Callie turned to Arizona. "Why are you so wigged out about Amelia coming?"

"Hm, what?" Arizona's eyebrows arched, feigning surprise. "I'm not."

* * *

Callie walked into Clara's patient room with much less dread than she had two days prior. She tried to keep her facial expressions neutral and bit back the smile she so desperately wanted to display.

"Dr. Torres! Dr. Robbins told us you wanted to talk to us?" Clara's father held question in his tone. He and his wife had been told two days ago that there was nothing left Dr. Torres could do for their daughter, and now she wanted to meet with them again. The questioning was understandable.

Clara's mother stood next to her husband, eyes glued to the floor. She refused to up look up at Callie when she entered the room.

"Yes," Callie began, eyeing the mother cautiously as she stepped further into the room. "Dr. Robbins informed me of an experimental tumor treatment one of the doctors at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle recently discovered. Though experimental, this treatment could very well remove Clara's tumor and eliminate the need for an amputation."

Clara's mother looked up at Callie for the first time since she'd entered the room. "What's the treatment?" The father asked.

"MRI guided ultrasound ablation."

Callie looked to Clara. She seemed unfazed.

"And what's that?" Clara's mother croaked.

"The idea is to surround Clara's tumor with ultrasound rays that have the same frequency as the tumor. This would cause the tumor to shatter, without me even needing to cut her open."

"How will you know if the tumor is gone if you don't physically take it out?"

"Following the procedure, I would remove any tumor fragments in the O.R."

"How many times has this been done before?" Clara's mother asked.

Callie hesitated briefly. "Not many." It was the truth. "MRI guided ultrasound ablation has been used many times to remove primary bone tumors where the sarcoma has broken out of the intramedullary space and forms soft tissue. But, in Clara's case, her tumor is still inside of the intramedullary space. This would be the first time this kind of procedure is performed."

"Who's the doctor who discovered it?"

"Actually," Callie hesitated. "The doctor I'm referring to did not discover MRI guided ultrasound ablation. What she discovered was a way to use it to treat brain tumors. Her name is Dr. Amelia Shepherd, and she is a well known and very, _very_ _good_ neurosurgeon. Since she had to alter the procedure to be useful as a brain tumor treatment, we figured that if we worked together, we would be able to alter it again to find a way in which it could work for Clara's tumor."

"No," The mother didn't hesitate.

Callie felt her heart drop into her stomach. She'd been hoping, praying, actually, that Clara's mother would be pleased with the news that her daughter may be able to be cured without needing an amputation.

"Amanda!" Clara's father hissed.

"I said no, John! I am not letting our daughter be a guinea pig to some experimental procedure that has never been done before!"

"But you heard Dr. Torres, this might be her only chance. And isn't it worth it if it means she can keep her-"

"I want it," Clara spoke up, her voice assertive.

Callie and Clara's parents turned to face the sick teenager.

Amanda walked to her daughter's bedside.

"Clara, sweetie.." she began.

"No. You're not going to talk me out of this, Mom. I want to do it." Clara's eyes shone with determination as she looked to her mother. "You can do it, right, Dr. Torres?" She turned her head, her determined gaze now placed upon Callie.

"Yes," The orthopedic surgeon cleared her throat. "Yes, I can."

Clara nodded mutely. "Then it's settled." She looked to her parents. "Mom, Dad. I know you are just looking out for me, but if I have even a remote chance that I can skate, without needing a prosthetic leg, again, I'm going to take it. I understand it's risky. I understand I could die from this. But I accepted that a long time ago. So I'm getting the surgery. Okay?"

Her parents remained silent, but Clara knew she had won.

Wanting to give Clara and her parents some more space to think the decision through, Callie spoke up. "Mr. and Mrs. Davis, why don't we let Clara get some rest. We can discuss the procedure in more detail outside."

They nodded and slowly began making their way to the door.

"Wait!" Clara called after them. "Can I speak to Dr. Torres alone for a minute, please?"

* * *

"Hey!" Arizona pushed herself through the door to her and Nicole's temporary office building. "You have me for three hours and then I have to be back at the hospital for a surgery."

"Shut the door. You're letting all the hot air in," Herman complained, to which Arizona rolled her eyes in response.

"So I contacted the New York Department of Health last night and gave them our pitch."

"And?" Arizona inquired, eyes widening with anticipation.

"And they granted us the permit. We can start construction as soon as we have a contractor and layout."

Arizona's mouth fell open. "Are-are you serious?"

"Don't sound so shocked, Robbins. I was one of the best fetal surgeons in the nation. I trained _you_ , a previous board member of Grey-Sloan, who went on to become one of the best as well. Though, not better than me, of course," Nicole responded.

"Gee, thanks for the compliment. I'm so touched." Arizona's words dripped with sarcasm.

"This is really happening, Robbins. Before we know it, we'll be opening the doors of the Robbins-Herman hospital."

"I know," Arizona shook her head. "I can't believe it. I never saw myself ever doing something like opening a hospital. Wasn't exactly something I've been waiting to mark off my bucket list." Arizona chuckled.

"Believe it. 'Cause it's happening. Don't blink or you'll miss it."

Arizona refrained from cracking a smile and narrowed her eyes, unsure if the pun was intended.

"You can laugh, Robbins. Sheesh."

A smile crept up on her face as she shook her head at her partner.

* * *

Clara patted the empty space next to her, gesturing for Callie to come sit. Her parents eyed the situation wearily, but ultimately gave the doctor a nod of approval to go ahead.

The brunette sat down on the bed's edge as she heard the door shut. She looked to Clara expectantly, and waited for her to open up.

"It's pride month," the teenager began. "And it might be the last that I'm alive for. We all know I'm dying. There's no need to beat around the bush with it anymore," Clara joked with a sad smile. "And this procedure, either it's going to work or it's not, or it's going to kill me."

Callie opened her mouth, wanting to interject and tell the young girl she'd formed a bond with that she _wasn't_ dying. That she was going to be _fine_. But as a doctor, she knew she couldn't promise things she _can't_ promise.

"And I met this girl," Callie smiled a little. "A few weeks ago. It was at a Starbucks, but that's not important." Clara looked at her fingers as she let out a laugh, cheeks blushing as she thought of the brunette she'd met while ordering a Mocha Frappuccino. "We've been talking ever since then." She turned her gaze onto the woman sitting in front of her, whom she'd come to see as a sort of mentor to her. "She's going to Pride this Sunday. An out and proud lesbian." Clara smiled, proud and a little envious of her - sort of-maybe-possibly - girlfriend. "And I want that. Before I die. I want to be out and I want to be proud. And I want to go to Pride before it's too late."

"Clara.." Callie drew out quietly. As her doctor, she knew Clara going to a New York Pride parade in her condition would be risky. She also knew that even if she thought Clara was physically able to sustain the heat and crowd, her parents would never go for it. For one, they didn't even know she was bisexual. And from all the time she'd spent with Amanda and John in the past two years, she knew enough about them to know their initial reactions would not be the best.

John was a Colonel, and she'd heard some of his comments surrounding Trump's Transgender Military ban. She didn't want to go into detail, but they were not only transphobic but blatantly homophobic as well.

Amanda was a teacher at an overtly, strict Catholic school. The school was known for it's strong conservative views, and it had been labeled as the most regressive Catholic school in the state. And Callie also knew a thing or two about strict Catholic mothers.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. In you're condition-"

"I know what the risks are, Callie."

Clara had been on a first name basis with Dr. Torres for about a year now.

"I know that my chances of actually being able to get out of this bed and go are so freaking slim. So I just need your help with one thing."

"Anything," Callie replied without hesitation. She'd taken this girl under her wing for the last two years. She helped guide her through the muddy waters of discovering her sexuality. She felt a responsibility to her. And not just as her doctor.

"I need you to help me come out to my parents."

* * *

"Okay, we need to talk." Nicole cut Arizona off mid sentence as she leant back in her swivel chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

Arizona glanced up from the piece of printer paper covered in marks and labels with a questioning look. "About?"

"Callie."

Arizona's eyes widened.

"We're right in the middle of —"

"She's pretty great, you know. And she makes an excellent chicken piccata."

Arizona pursed her lips. Yes. She _knew_.

She was getting sick of the constant talk about Callie. She had other things going on in her life. Like the hospital she was currently mapping out. She wanted to talk about _other_ things. It distracted her from her all consuming thoughts revolving the brunette.

"Why haven't you told her yet?"

Arizona shifted in her seat, suddenly feeling squeamish.

"How do you know I already haven't?" She challenged.

The silence was enough to cause Arizona to cave in.

"Okay fine, I haven't."

"Why are you so eager to know what's going on between Callie and I, anyway?"

"Because it's making you all tense, which is making you unable to give our hospital the amount of focus it needs. Which in return is affecting _my_ ability to focus."

Arizona fell silent. Nicole did have a point. Arizona's thoughts about Callie were all consuming. She thought about her twenty four hours, seven days a week. Her smile, her eyes, her lips, her laugh, the way she interacts with Sof, her determination, her heart. She thought about her everything. Constantly. And the "friend's first" rule made it even harder. Because she was always thinking about how she _shouldn't_ be having these thoughts even though she wanted nothing more than to just throw being friends out the window. It was exhausting.

"Why haven't you told her?" Herman reiterated.

Arizona breathed in, lungs contracting as she expelled a heavy sigh.

"I'm scared. To tell her," the blonde admitted. "I'm scared that once we start something that it will end the exact same way it did before."

"I suppose that's a reasonable fear." Nicole stated.

Arizona responded with a short nod.

 _'Shit. Wait.'_

"Yeah," she breathed. She'd forgotten Herman didn't do nonverbal's for a second.

"But, Robbins. Listen, you were a mess when I met you." There was the bluntness again. An amused grin pulled at the blonde's lips. "And I'm not exaggerating. You were an _actual disaster_."

"Okay, I get it. Can you move on now please?"

"Fine," Nicole agreed with a teasing reluctance. "Anyways, what I was saying is that you aren't who you were when you ended things. You've healed. You spent five years apart from Callie, and yet, you two came back to each other. Now I'm not a big believer in true love or any of that nonsense, but that has to mean something."

Arizona's smile brightened.

She and Callie had come back to each other, hadn't they? They were together and then Arizona left her for Africa. But then she came back and they were together again. Then they got divorced, but five years later, they found their way back to each other, still with those same feelings they'd had the night they met in that bar bathroom. Yeah, that had to mean _something_.

"Who knew Nicole Herman was such a romantic?" Arizona teased.

"I'll kill you if you tell anyone about this."

* * *

Arizona entered her apartment. One glance in the direction of the kitchen, and she found it. After her talk with Herman, the surgeon realized she'd left her phone at home. She figured that if she was fast enough, she'd be able to grab it and get back to the hospital in time for her surgery. They'd finished early today anyways.

Arizona shoved the device into her back pocket when she noticed April. She was sat on the bottom step of the stairs. Her elbows rested on her knees, head bowed over her hands, faced palm to palm, as if she was praying. Arizona squinted.

"Hey," she called in a soft voice. She didn't want to startle her.

April looked up.

"Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in."

April noticed Arizona walking over to her, and scooted over to make room for her friend on the step.

"What are you doing over here?" the blonde questioned. A hint of humor could be heard in her voice.

"I talked to Jackson," The redhead admitted.

Arizona looked up at her friend with wide eyes. Feigned shock plastered on every pore.

"You did?"

"Yep," April confirmed, popping the 'p'. She reached down to her left and lifted a glass of white wine, and sipped a serviceable amount.

"What did he say?" Arizona prodded, even though she already knew. Since April's accident and the supply closet talk they'd shared, Arizona and Jackson had been developing a new type of bond. They were closer.

Jackson had called Arizona two days ago and revealed the internal conflict he was struggling with. Arizona hadn't told him that April was considering moving to New York, though. She knew better than to betray her trust once again. But she did tell him that he needed to talk to her. _Soon._

April gave a humorless laugh.

* * *

 ** _Five Hours Ago_**

 _April opened up her contacts on her phone, the small device shaking slightly in result to her trembling hands. She scrolled down._

 _Jackson Avery_

 _Press._

 _Message — Call — FaceTime_

 _Slight trembling fingers hovered over the 'call' option, questioning whether or not she should be doing this. April had already decided moving to New York could not be an option so she wasn't really sure why she was listening to Arizona and telling Jackson anyway. Unknown to the red-head, it was her subconscious want for New York to be an option._

 _Press 'call'._

 _"Hello?" The deep voice rang in her ears._

 _"Hey, Jackson." April's voice was soft, worn sounding._

 _"April.." Jackson trailed off. He'd been thinking about her. She knew from his tone of voice. He always trailed off after saying her name when he had a lot of things to say to her, but didn't know how to begin or where to start._

 _"We need to talk."_

 _"Yeah," The man's voice was a whisper. "We do."_

 _"I'm sorry I haven't called," the redhead spoke into the speaker of the phone._

 _"It's, uh, it's okay," Jackson swallowed. "You needed some space."_

 _April gave a slight nod, only to realize a second later he couldn't see it._

 _"How's the face?" April asked. A hint of a smile could be heard in her voice._

 _"Oh, you know. Hurts, but, I'll survive," the man responded with slight humor in his tone as well._

 _April wanted to give a light chuckle in response, but nothing about this situation was funny. Silence fell between them for a few passing moments._

 _"I've been meaning to-," the two began to say in unison._

 _"Go ahead," April urged. She figured that since she'd been ignoring him for the past four days, that he could speak first._

 _"I've, uh, I've been thinking," Jackson paused. "A lot recently. About the decisions I've made the last few years. Maggie, the contest, Montana.." he trailed off. "Our divorce."_

 _He spoke the two words in a hushed whisper, but April felt them hit her right in the gut. Her mouth fell open._

 _"What-" she cleared her throat. "What are you saying, Jackson?"_

 _Jackson was silent for a second, trying to think how he could put this in a simplistic way that April would understand. His throat felt thick with emotion._

 _"I don't think I want what I wanted anymore."_

* * *

"He thinks we should try again." Her voice was void of emotion. She hadn't processed it yet. The fact that the man she had _just_ accepted she would never be with again, told her that he wanted to try again. She was confused. What about Maggie? Why didn't he tell her before?

"Did you tell him about New York?"

"Yeah," she breathed.

"And?" Arizona pressed.

"He said he's willing to move here."

Arizona's eyes widened, eyebrows skyrocketing. Now Jackson had not told her _that_.

Arizona watched April with a concerned expression as she watched her take another sip of wine. It was only one thirty in the afternoon.

She reached over April's lap, and took the glass from her hand.

"What are you—?"

Arizona took the glass over to the kitchen sink and poured it down the drain.

"You're not drinking at one thirty in the afternoon. Come on," Arizona took April's hand and pulled her up into a standing position. Once steady on her feet, Arizona wrapped her arm around her friend's back. "How about a nap instead?"

* * *

Arizona tugged on her last ponytail. She felt moderately less claustrophobic without the bands holding her hair so tight against her head. Leaning her tired body against her office door, the blonde expelled a weary breath.

Arizona's surgery hadn't gone well. The ten year old boy she'd been operating on bled out on her table halfway through the procedure. And the standard feelings of failure and sadness that comes along with losing a child coupled with the desire to tell Callie just how much she wanted to abandon the "friend's first" rule and push her up against the wall with her lips attached to hers, left the blonde's mind a whirling mess.

Arizona dropped her scrub cap onto the office chair next to the door as she moved over to her desk to grab her phone. She wanted to check if she had any missed texts or calls from April. She was worried about her. Jackson dropped a bomb on her and she knew April was overwhelmed with emotions as well as reasons. And she wanted to get back to her as soon as possible. Hopefully to find that the liquor was still in the cabinet where she left it.

But she didn't have any texts from April. Only one text. A text from Callie.

' _Need to talk to you about Clara. Let me know when you're out of surgery.'_

Blue eyes looked to see how long ago the message was sent as soon as she finished reading it.

 _10 minutes ago._

Arizona checked the time. _4:23 p.m._

 _April will be okay for another thirty minutes, right?_

Arizona opened up the notification and began typing.

'I just finished. Where do you want to meet?'

Arizona tapped her fingers against the bottom of her cellphone as she waited to receive a reply.

 _'The attending's lounge up in Ortho.'_

'I'll be there as soon as I can.'

Arizona shoved her phone into her scrub pants' pocket and left the room.

* * *

"Hey. What's going on?" Arizona entered the attending's lounge. Concern laced her tone. Worried that maybe Clara's parents were refusing to give consent for Amelia's procedure.

Callie stood next to the beige colored couch, tapping her foot anxiously and chewing on the skin inside her cheek. She was struggling with an internal crisis.

Clara had asked Callie to help her come out to her parents, and going against every single bone in her body screaming at her that it wasn't a good idea, she said _yes_.

The orthopedic surgeon whirred around when she heard Arizona enter.

"I told Clara I'd help her come out to her parents and I'm kind of freaking out," the words spewed from Callie's mouth in a rush.

Arizona's blinked at her.

"Woah, wait. Hold on," Arizona sputtered, rushing up to Callie. "You did what?"

"She was going on and on about how she wanted to be "out and proud"—" Callie recited Clara's words with air quotes. "— before she dies and I felt bad and I said yes! And now I have to figure out how to tell her colonel father and very Catholic mother that her daughter is bisexual. I have no idea how to do that, Arizona! You remember when I came out to my dad."

The brunette was rambling, and if it wasn't for the fact that Callie was genuinely wigging out, Arizona would've commented on how cute she found it.

"Okay, okay," She soothed, searching her mind for something to say that wouldn't make the situation worse. "Um, it's gonna be okay. I can help."

Relief flashed on the brunette's face. "You can?"

 _I can?_

Arizona nodded. "Yeah, um, I'll talk to the father, and you can talk to the mother. Okay?" Arizona winced a bit. Usually she wouldn't get involved with these types of things, but it was Callie and — well, it's Callie.

Callie shook her head. "You don't have to do that, Arizona."

Callie was the one who got herself into this situation, and she was the one who had to get herself out of it. It wasn't Arizona's responsibility.

"I want to," Arizona winced again. She didn't want to. She was lying through her teeth. Arizona knew what to say to the father. She'd done it before. Tell him her story, about her own father and so on. But she really wasn't looking forward to having to lie about it again. It just brought up painful memories that she'd moved past from.

But, she'd do anything for Callie.


End file.
